


You're a hard soul to save・But I'll get around it

by Azukin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-07 06:09:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10353867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azukin/pseuds/Azukin
Summary: Inheriting the Luthor's name was never her choice. But the burdens that came with it were hers to carry alone. As Lena falls in a desolated path, Kara struggles to conciliate her lives as a hero, a friend and a lover.





	1. The very last inch of us

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fic. Reviews, suggestions and critics are greatly appreciated. More information on this story in my profile.  
>   
> Warning: this story features Kara/Mon-El in the beginning.

####  **The very last inch of us.**

**.**

It is past 11 p.m. when Lena Luthor finishes reviewing the topics of the next morning’s board meeting. L-Corp is silent at those hours, except for the noise coming from the CEO’s office, as the news anchor covers the stock market in the background. Lena shifts her attention to the television, but notices her vision blurred. Maybe she is overworking. Even Jess was concerned, as she unexpectedly urged her boss to “leave this building and get an 8 hours sleep for once”. The brunette, however, can’t help it. She take her work seriously. And most importantly, she cherishes her corporation.

_“In the face of current developments, authorities alleged all measures are being taken to elucidate the relationship between Luthor Corp and the newly found facility conducting research on humans using meteor rocks. In the past, the corporation funded similar experiments, under the administration of Lex Luthor. After his imprisonment, Lillian Luthor continued his program with Project Cadmus, before the exposure on the nature of the experiments forced it to be discontinued. Since then, no similar activities were registered. Lena Luthor, currently CEO of L-Corp, has yet to give an official statement on the matter…”_

Lena turns off the television. She would always finish watching the news but she has enough of hearing her name these past few days. Ever since this new facility was discovered, her life has been a mess. With Lex still arrested in maximum-security prison and Lillian’s disappearance 3 years ago, all attention turned to her. Media, government and society – they all demands explanations about a project she had no idea it was running in the first place. Damn, Lex. What on Earth was on your mind?

The CEO sighs as she slowly walks to her balcony. It was a brilliant idea to build it. National City is breathtaking at night – all those lights, the fleeting silence and distant sounds of cars and passersby. Everything manifesting itself as one city. And she loves every part of it. Lena wonders if someone out there is watching the lights and thinking the same. Maybe Supergirl. Yes, maybe Supergirl is out there, flying above. Protecting their city. And Lena’s mind keeps drifting, until it reaches Kara Danvers, a smile parting the brunette’s lips – the first on that stressful day. She wished her friend was by her side. Kara would smile and look at the stars instead. With that one particular look in her blue eyes that captivates the Luthor. It took some time, but Lena eventually figured out why was that. Kara always looks at the stars with forsaken eyes. Almost as if she misses them.

And the brunette is now looking at the stars herself. What does Kara see when she looked up? Which painful memory had stained her sky with desolation? Lena wonders. She isn’t much different. Her sky is a void, absorbing her feelings and turning them to nothing. She really misses talking to her friend. But as the years went by, meeting each other became harder. Kara is moving on with her life; it got even worse with her engagement. And, in that moment, Lena closes her eyes. They are drifting apart – she feels Kara escaping her gradually. The marriage would be the final blow. And as much as she tries to, Lena can’t bring herself to be happy about it. That Matthews guy seems a good person. No, he definitely is – she trusts Kara’s judgment, although that girl could be naïve to a fault. But she can’t come to terms with losing her. Kara. Kara is everything.

A sad smile appears on her face, as she glances at the stars one last time. Useless thoughts. Thus, the CEO gets rid of them, a semblance of resolve taking place. She was a Luthor after all. If she misses Kara, all she needs to do is to invite her friend to spend some time together. It is 11:40p.m. but, well, knowing the blonde, she is probably digging into her fridge with a goofy smile by now.  
  
**・**

Kara’s phone continues to ring, forgotten in her desk. But whoever is calling, they couldn’t have chosen a worse time to call. Kara and Mon-El are having a serious discussion and neither of them seems willing to back down. The scene – from the eyes of a normal civilian – is peculiar, to say the least. It’s not every day you see a couple having a fight, walking around the apartment on costumes and capes. 

“Why are you being so worked up over this? Everybody’s fine, Kara!”

“You’re totally missing the point.” Supergirl is standing in the middle of the room, holding her head with one head. She is trying to remain calm, but frustration is building up. All Kara wanted was a serious conversation, but somehow they ended up in a fight. Again. The second on that week. 

“They could have been hurt, Mon-El. People could have died out there.” Kara argues with a quieter but stern voice. 

Earlier that night, they fought against one metahuman who was causing havoc in National City. Everything was going according to plan, until Mon-El let his temper get the best of him. He took an unnecessary risk that almost cost the lives of numerous civilians. Supergirl wouldn’t be so bothered, since anyone can make a mistake, even heroes. Specially heroes. Except this is the third time it happens and Mon-El never admits his faults. 

“Sure. Cause there was a freaking crazy super soldier trying to kill everybody. But I ended up saving the day. We are the heroes!”

And there it is: the faint smile; the weird light on his eyes. The expression that suddenly appears on his face and never fails to make Kara uneasy. It feels like Mon-El turns to a complete different person from the man she knows. Vain and vicious. It has been more frequent lately, that sudden change on his nature. And when it happens, Kara feels terrified. Thankfully though, it is always brief. In a split of a second, her fiancé is back to his usual self. 

“Look, Mon-El. We had this discussion last time.” Supergirl avoids his eyes, scared to find herself talking to a stranger again. “The lives of innocent people are at stake. We can’t be reckless.”

“Kara… Babe. I know that. I understand you have your methods. And I have mine. Don’t you have faith in me?” Mon-El approaches the woman looking at her earnest blue eyes. He holds her chin softly with his hand, but Supergirl crosses her arms and keeps a frown on her face. “Don’t be like this.”

“Like what?” Her voice is harsh. Oh, she really hopes Mon-El would not dare to say anything stupid. 

“Too strict and serious. “

“What?” Kara pulls away immediately and Mon-El sighs. Her persistency is a pain to him. “You want me to take my responsibilities lightly?” Every part of her body is tense and Supergirl is clearly trying to hold back her exploding anger.

“No. What I mean to say is you should stop shouldering the burden of the world. It will eventually destroy you! If those people got hurt, Lena Luthor should be the one carrying that burden, not you, Kara!”

Mon-El says with a hint of disdain in his voice. And obviously, he has said something very wrong. Because Kara’s eyes lights in a heating orange glow and her ice blue orbs are beaming at him. Kara Danvers is pissed. Utterly fucking pissed.

“How dare you accuse her like that?! Lena Luthor is innocent!”

“As far as I know, ‘Luthor’ and ‘innocent’ should never be used in the same sentence.”

“There’s no proof that this metahuman is even linked to Luthor Corp! And Lena isn’t like her family!” Kara will always stand up for her friend, and all that senseless injustice is exhausting. “No one can see that?!” She adds defeated.

Kara sneers, shaking her head. The fire on her eyes extinguishes; her bright blue orbs now reduced to bleak grey cinders. No one, but you. Lena’s voice echoes in her memory. The brunette sounded so softly – so different from the fierce woman with proud and resilient green eyes that never wavered or displayed vulnerability. They talked about it a few times, about how the Luthor’s name would always shadow Lena’s worth. But the hero knows her friend better than anyone. And it makes Kara so, so sad and frustrated, that all the doubts and accusations lead Lena to seclude herself in a cold glass building – her own fortress of solitude. 

“Kara?” Mon-El has a puzzled look, as he unsuccessfully tries to guess his fiancé’s trail of thoughts.

“I’m so done, Mon-El.” Supergirl says while running her hand through her hair. She prizes good communication, but she can’t see that discussion going anywhere. “I’ll get some sleep.”

Exhausted, Kara heads to her bedroom. She doesn’t look for her phone; she doesn’t even look back to her fiancé. And in another part of the city, Lena sighs while holding her phone.  
  
**・**

Lena Luthor walks fast. It is nothing new to Jess, except the secretary wonders how she manages to walk that fast on high wheels. Well, her boss is more than capable in pretty much any aspect. Jess wonders how the brunette manages to be so impeccable though. No person should be able to always show up elegantly dressed with flawless makeup on, remain proud and composed on hostile board meetings, while running a multi-billion corporation and fixing the mistakes of the previous CEO, all the while being the most competent person for those tasks. Really, is she even human? Well, she is a Luthor. Her boss would scold her if she could read minds.

“Jess.” The secretary froze still. Maybe she can. “Please, confirm my agenda for the next two hours. I believe it’s free.” 

They had arrived at Lena’s office and the CEO sits comfortably in her chair. It is a cloudy day in National City. Lena notices some dark clouds hanging in the horizon. They could expect downpour in that afternoon.

“Yes. But Ms. Danvers called during the meeting to say she would come.” 

“Kara?” Lena is surprised. Kara didn’t answer her call last night and still had not replied to her message. Normally, she would reply so fast, it somewhat amused the green eyed CEO. Is Kara going through something and needed her help? It worries her. “Alright. I’ll wait for her.”

“Ms. Danvers is already here. Should I let her in?” 

“Yes, please.” Lena lets a delighted smile escape her lips. She observes her secretary leave the office, feeling the excitement of seeing the blonde after some time. The CEO, however, contains herself. Chances are Kara is only there as Danvers, the reporter. Lena still had not given any official statement over the facility discovered on the underground of the abandoned Luthor Corp Plaza, in Metropolis, so she can expect all the media groups prying into her life in all possible ways, and that includes using the only person she considers a friend as a mean. 

“Lena!” 

It is quite ridiculous how it takes only one lively voice to crush any reasoning running in the CEO’s mind. Kara had that power over the brunette and, surprisingly, the later doesn’t care. She never feels weak or vulnerable beside Kara. In fact, she feels protected and treasured. Thus Lena would trust Kara her life – something she never really thought it would be possible before meeting someone like her. 

“Hello, Kara.” 

Kara stands just a few feet away with a sheepish smile on her face – the one she is used to give when there is this particular idea in her mind that she is having a hard time to suppress. She eventually succumbs to it, most of the times. Which makes Kara Danvers adorable. Add to that the image of a pretty girl wearing a peach a-line dress and cream cardigan while fidgeting with her fingers and there she is: Kara Adorable Danvers. 

“Can I hug you? I’m going to hug you.” Kara announces suddenly and before Lena can process any of it, she feels those soft arms embracing her in a bear hug. Like Kara isn’t even that taller and, mostly certainly, doesn’t appear to be that strong. But her hugs are tight and soft and feel like a wide shelter from any problems. Really, Kara’s hugs are Lena’s favorites, except the “helicopter” one. God, she still had not figured out how Kara managed to spin Lena Luthor around like that. 

“I missed you, Kara.” Maybe that sounded a little softer than it should and Lena curses herself for that. But the reporter reacts with a melting smile, so she doesn’t mind that much.

“I missed you too!”

“Have a sit. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting you. My secretary just told me you were here. I did call you yesterday and send texts, though.” 

“Yeah, I’ve been pretty busy lately and I had to deal with a few things yesterday.”

The brunette has a concerned look on her face, which makes it more difficult for Kara to dodge the subject. 

“I was tired by the end of the day, so I ended up falling asleep and forgot to charge my phone. Which almost made me sleep in and I had to literally fly to work, and I forgot my phone at home, so… Did I say ‘literally’? God, a reporter shouldn’t make such mistakes.” 

Kara laughs nervously. She absolutely loves Lena’s pair of green eyes, but when they focus at her with that much intensity, she tends to say embarrassing things. 

“Are you feeling okay?” Lena has a puzzled expression on her face, one in which Kara can identify genuine concern and is that amusing delight? Anyway, Kara Danvers knows the CEO is a sharp woman. She probably sensed something is bothering her.

“Yes, it’s just… You know, there has been a lot of work lately. Pretty concerning stuff, so I’m just exhausted and feeling pressured.” Kara hates lying to a friend. But fundamentally, she isn’t lying. She just omitted which work exactly she was talking about. And then, there is Mon-El. But, for some reason, Kara isn’t used to talk about Mon-El to Lena. There isn’t anything wrong with their friendship – Kara had shared some heavy stuff with, and only with, her –, but when it comes to her relationship with her fiancé, the blonde always senses Lena more distant, thinking about who knows what in that incredible mind of hers. 

“I hope things get better soon. Is there anything else bothering you?” Damn. Sharp woman. 

“Huh? No.” Kara is pretty sure she isn’t a good liar, but she really wants to avoid that subject for now. “Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to come here and blabber about myself.”

And Lena feels a bit upset. Kara clearly has something else bothering her. The fact that she can’t open up about it implied a wall on their friendship. Maybe Kara doesn’t trust Lena enough. The blonde isn’t the one to blame though. Lena is the one building walls all around herself. Who she is to demand trust, when she is unable to give it to others? She wishes the reporter understood she could always count on her though. Lena Luthor would always stand by Kara Danvers.

“Right. So, I suppose what brings you here is the whole uproar involving Luthor Corp.” Lena says it with a half-smile. She faces the whole thing with composed elegancy. And that really makes Kara’s heart ache. An innocent never reacts so calm when facing degrading accusations. Unless it happened so often, they eventually grew acquainted to them – which, sadly, is Lena’s case. And knowing that stirred something inside the reporter. Supergirl demands the justice the Luthor had stopped believing in. And Kara feels the sadness Lena should be displaying. 

“How are you feeling about it?” She is asking as Kara, the friend, and the CEO is really thankful for that. That’s one of the things Lena likes the most about Kara: she is kind. She values kindness before professionalism or anything really. And Lena suspects Kara doesn’t realize how brave she is for that.

“You know, I’m used to it.”

“And it sucks that you are!” Kara snorts. “I mean, it’s so sad that you became used to it.”

“Kara, look, it’s really okay. I mean, it’s not a great situation to be.” Kara frowns and defeated Lena admits. “Okay, it’s awful. But, eventually, it will play out the same way. The funds for that secret facility in Metropolis, we are already tracking it. Since Lex was imprisoned, it’s been running with clandestine money. Not a single dollar was from L-Corp. I’ve got nothing to worry about.” 

“Do you have any idea of who’s behind it?” Kara asks curiously; her reporter side kicking in. 

“Most of the investigation is being held by the authorities. We provided help and information, but I don’t have anything yet.” 

“Do you know what kind of experiments was being held?”

“Most of the scientific data was destroyed before the authorities arrived in the facility. I can’t tell much for now, but, yeah, I can confirm they studied aliens and how meteor rocks affected humans.” A short pause. Green eyes slowly drifting to a spot in the ground. “Lex was so obsessed with that.”

And Lena bit her lips. Lex is still a sensitive question for her. She used to know him. She knew how he felt, his dreams and passions. But slowly and deliberately, he began to change. She remembers how words like “aliens”, “murderers” and “menace” became frequent. How Clark Kent – a dear friend – turned to an enemy. How her caring brother became a complete stranger, with madness in his eyes and hatred in his speech. She could not recognize him anymore. But sometimes, when Lena was lost and confused and about to give up, the old Lex would resurface – the kind, intelligent and fair one. She knew that side of her brother better than anyone. And it proved to her what she needed to know: that within that man, lost in that insanity, there was still an inch of integrity. So Lena keeps a promise to herself. That if Lex ever reaches out to her, she will help him. She will find that inch and free Lex from that madness.

“Lena?”

Kara had seen the transformation that took place on her friend’s semblance. The confident CEO suddenly looked enigmatic, her green eyes somber, reflecting absolutely nothing. Kara has seen this happen a few times before. And Kara knows once the Luthor steps in whatever dark place she has in her mind, there is nothing one could do, but wait until she feels comfortable enough to step out of it. And it can take a few seconds or even days. But Kara is patient. Well, not really, but she is for Lena’s sake.

“I’m sorry. I got lost in my thoughts.” Lena says while shaking her head. She has this confused and concerned expression on her face, probably wondering for how long she had drifted in thoughts. But Kara doesn’t mind. In fact, she considers it lovely. 

“Don’t worry.” Kara knows she has this dorky smile on her face, but it is no use fighting against it. Something about Lena makes her feel warm and bubbly and Kara would catch herself smiling goofily at her. And she doesn’t try to suppress it anymore, because she found out Lena would always smile back and that is just so sweet.

“Well, I should go now.” Kara finally announces with a half-smile. She really wants to linger there a bit longer. The reporter had forgotten Lena has this aura that just feels right for her. It’s like they both have this mutual understanding and Kara can drop the walls down and be herself and that is just comforting, like being at home. And wasn’t it funny that Krypton has just crossed her mind?

“We had such a brief reunion, Kara. Do you want to go out or, I don’t know, have dinner in my place tonight?” 

“I’m sorry, Lena. I’d love to, but it has been really crazy for me lately. And I’ll meet Mike tonight. But we can definitely set another day!” 

“No problem, Kara. So I’ll text you later.” 

They share a hug that lasts longer than usual, both women wishing they can linger just a second more in each other arms. And then, Kara walks away in a slow pace leaving Lena behind, watching storm clouds casting shadows over National City. In that night, Lena would meet with ghosts from the past amidst a thunder storm.


	2. The lies we tell ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lack of SuperCorp, but I'll try to make up for it in future chapters.

#### The lies we tell ourselves.

**.**

Lena is home earlier that night and the first thing she does is drink a glass of her best Tuscan wine. She isn’t really a wine expert, but growing up in a wealthy family taught her a few things, like appreciating good cocktails. And it feels such a waste having that small but fine wine collection all for herself, which leads to the reason why she doesn’t mind staying at L-Corp until late night – she isn’t coming home to anyone. But she doesn’t mind it that much. At the building she has her work, her duties and Lena enjoys the feeling of creating and innovating things. Her mind just doesn’t stop. But in her home she has her books and the piano and most nights those are comforting enough. She also has a nice hot bath waiting for her. 

She feels the hot water embracing her skin and that just feels great. Her muscles relax as the brunette lies in her sunken bathtub. Lena has a great view of National City’s skyline through the large window just beside her. It has started to rain and she can see the lightning illuminating dark clouds. The rumbling of powerful thunders shakes her surroundings. It is in nights like this that Lena Luthor praised living in a normal house. Not in that old mansion of her childhood – so vast but empty and desolate. Lex used to joke around saying the ghosts of Luthors haunted the manor. But Lena was a smart kid. She never believed in things she couldn’t see. Although she never denied the dismal atmosphere lingering in the mansion. After growing up, Lena came to realize that place was indeed haunted. By the living. 

But Lena shakes her head, as she is done with haunting memories for that night. She honestly can’t remember when was the last time she let herself indulge in the present, but she needs it. There’s this suffocating feeling creeping in, reaching for her throat and she knows the signs of anxiety quite well. So she closes her eyes; lets her mind drift from cozy places to soft memories. And Kara. Kara Danvers, whose simple remembrance causes Lena’s heart to throb and ache in her chest and a soft smile to part her lips. Kara, whose blue eyes are like a raging sea – wild and beautiful –, crashing her soul with waves and pulling her into a current of emotions. Kara, to whom one Luthor would give their whole heart. But not in this universe. Lena will live with that.

But then, the CEO hears a loud crash coming from downstairs. Lena’s survival instinct kicks in almost immediately; she leaves her tube and reaches to her black silk robe. The house is completely silent now, but she knows better. She doubts she’s alone. And the brunette knows exactly what she has to do. Lena Luthor prides herself for many things. And the ability to remain remarkably composed under pressure is one of them. So she walks in her room and grabs a gun – a gift from Lex she initially thought inconsiderate, but that provided some false sense of security through the threats she faced thus far. Lena never shot it and hopes she never has to. And now, she needs her phone, but curses herself as she remembers it is inside her purse downstairs.

So the CEO assesses her situation. In the worst case scenario, someone hired a skilled assassin to murder her. And in that case, her room would not provide any protection. So it is not wise, but she decides to take the risk and go downstairs; she needs to get out of that place and call for help. And she will trust the fact that her house is big and that she knows every corner of it with closed eyes. 

But the brain is a strange thing, Lena takes note as she sneaks through the hallway. Let it be overwhelmed with fear and everything changes, even the house she has been living in the past few years. Lena notices every corner and piece of furniture and it almost feels like she’s seeing them for the first time, even though she chose the decoration herself. She prizes the minimalism – her whole house being in cool neutral colors, wide with few ornaments, most of them being some outstanding piece of art. Lena always considered it elegant. So she was taken aback when Kara told her it looks a bit empty and sad. And Lena suspects Kara has some personal agenda to brighten it up. She still have Kara’s yellow pillow on her couch from movie night. And the red apron from Kara’s failed attempt at teaching her how to bake. That was a funny day, Lena admits; her house for once was not cold and silent like tonight. 

But the silence is cut off by the sound of a piano, a soft piece but undeniably melancholic resonating through the hallway. And it makes Lena flinch and swallow. She recognizes it immediately – _Chopin’s Nocturne Op. 48, nº1 in C minor_ – and her heart twists from so many memories. There’s a trail of blood going from the hallway to the living room, from where the melody is coming, the door half-open. Maybe a trap awaits her, but she doubts it. Her intuition tells her to go inside. So silently, Lena takes a deep breath and sneaks inside the room.  
  
**・**

Kara Danvers stares blankly at the screen. She has been like that for the past three minutes, but no matter what she just can’t bring herself to write anything. What a great time for a writer’s block. 

Exasperated, Kara sighs. Maybe she is just close to burnout, as she feels lately her jobs as a reporter and a hero are pretty much a tangled mess. At night, she’s Supergirl, protecting National City from the rise of humans with super powers defying the law, and by the day, she’s Danvers, the reporter, searching for proof of a possible link with Luthor Corp’s experiments. And she still has to prove herself to Snapper and there’s also her relationship crisis with Mon-El and, really, it feels like she has nowhere to run.

And now, there is also Lena. Kara prides herself for reading people quite well. So she noticed her friend isn’t in the best moment either. Who would if they had to prove themselves innocent to society from time to time? The thing about being born ridiculously rich, Kara learned from Lena, is that some people resent you. You’re not allowed to feel pain or longing or sadness, for your money should protect you – you’re not allowed to be human. But Lena is solid and Kara thinks it’s remarkable but quite sad really, because she knows that reliability came with a price. And she wants to help her friend, but she can’t even help herself, so Kara can only hope Lena keeps strong like always.

“Danvers. Stop daydreaming and get back to work.” Snapper Carr says while passing through her desk. Kara frowns in response but misses the concerned look Snapper sends her behind the glasses.

Kara still tries to make some advance in her article, but finds herself mentally exhausted. And knowing she is going home to meet Mon-El is everything but comforting, which makes her feel guilty for having such a thought regarding her fiancé. But lately their fights became frequent and the words are becoming more and more painful and Kara gets herself thinking on a mental list of all the things she likes on Mon-El, as a reminder of why she’s still with him. And that just feels terribly wrong.

But all the doubts in her mind dissipate when she gets back home and Mon-El welcomes her with a comforting embrace. Deep down, Kara still resents him for last night, but she is weary and not the least prepared for another argument. So she decides to play along and have a great movie night with pizza. It goes against all Kara’s principles on relationships, being the kind of person who regards communication highly, so, yeah, it also feels wrong. But her whole life feels wrong lately, which she decides to keep to herself. Kara realized for some time now that Mon-El isn’t the best person for deep talks like that. 

“You seen distant today.” They are cuddling on the couch and his voice is deep and low. And he is right, as Kara’s mind is trying to make sense of worries and confused feelings.

“I’m just really tired.” She hopes Mon-El noticed her tone and just drops the attempt conversation, but he frowns instead.

“I’ve never seen you turn down another slice of pizza just because you’re tired.” Mon-El clearly lacked perception and intuition, Kara had noticed before, but what sometimes is a given, that night is bothering her. So Kara keeps to herself and pretends to be interested in the movie. “I know what will make you feel better.”

And her mind is drifting again when he says those words, so she is initially confused when he kisses her. And she gets uncomfortable when the kiss deepens and his hands run through her body, as he pressures against her. Kara is definitely not in the mood for that, but Mon-El isn’t paying attention to her. 

“Mon-El, we shouldn’t…” He doesn’t let her finish though, silencing her with another kiss. And Kara now wonders if she should just let him do as he pleases, while Mon-El kisses her neck in a fury she’s a bit scared of. Maybe she should, as they have been facing a tough moment for the past days. But she doubts that would make anything better at all. And while Kara Danvers is slightly confused, Supergirl is screaming to shove him aside. 

But her phone starts ringing and Kara feels the relief running through her body. She has the perfect excuse to interrupt his assault and she does so, despite his annoyed look.

“Don’t answer it.” He holds her by the wrist, but Kara is strong and cold and pulls her arm away from him with strength enough to send him a warning too.

“It may be important, Mon-El.” Kara sounds dead serious and avoids his eyes. So Mon-El snorts while sitting still on the couch. 

“Well, we are important too.” He retorts, but Kara doesn’t bother to reply. She walks to her desk where her phone lies, but stops half-way to open the window. It still drizzles and the air is cold, but Kara suddenly feels a need for sharp and cutting wind on her skin. 

Her cousin, Clark, is calling. They don’t really call often, so it must be important. Worried, Kara answers in a hurry.

“Kara? Can we talk now?” Clark sounds calm like always, but there’s slight concern in his voice and Kara picks it up immediately.

“Yeah. What’s up? Are you okay?”

“We need to talk. I need your help.”  
  
**・**

“Lex.”

A man is playing the grand piano and it is the piece that gave him out. It has always been Lex’s favorite and he was always flawless when performing it. Lena loved how her brother would express himself through it – all the nuances of sorrow when words weren’t enough. She particularly noticed he began to change when that melody became unsettling and frenzy and threatening. Lena came to hate that piece for announcing Lex’s transformation. But tonight, it sounds melancholic kind and lonely.

The man reaches the end of the piece and slowly turns to face his sister. It sends a shiver down her spine, because Lena can’t recognize her own brother. In her memories, Lex was still the young man she grew up with. But the one standing in front of her is pale and bald and wears a baggy prison uniform, which only shows how skinny he has become. And his green eyes – eyes that used to be like hers –, are now sunken ones surrounded by dark circles. And they reflect nothing. For a single moment, Lena thinks she saw the grin she grew to fear. But now Lex has a soft smile that reminds her of the caring brother of her younger years and something inside her flutters.

“Long time no see you, Lena. I really missed you.” He says with a soft voice and Lena closes her fists. 

“What are you doing here?” Her voice is shaky, but harsh. She feels all her muscles tensing and Lena is not sure if she’s scared, concerned or just really surprised. “I can’t believe you escaped prison.”

“I had to.” He is serious, but Lena laughs in disdain.

“You had to? Don’t give me excuses.” 

“I know I did wrong. I know you probably won’t forgive me so easily for my past decisions. But I’m sick, Lena.” He pauses. The silence confirms that he’s been listened. “The exposition to the meteor rocks before I was arrested is affecting my body. I’m having symptoms of some disease. I could die in prison, but I refuse to.” Lex has this really sad look on his face and Lena almost believes him – she wants to, Lena realizes in dismay –, but she’s not delusional. So she swallows hard, but her mouth is dry.

“You called it upon yourself. “

“Lena, look. I really need you.” His eyes, Lena notices, they have this light that reminds her of the younger Lex, so she avoids them.

“You tried to kill me. Now you ask for my help?”

“I know I gave you good reasons to hate me, but I was out of my mind. Sometimes I think I still am.” Another pause – this time a longer one. “You’re the only who still believes me. And I want a second chance. I don’t deserve to die in that place.” 

Maybe he does.

And Lena lets a hurtful noise escape her lips in the form of a laugh mixed with a cry. Something inside her had just snapped, so she sinks on the couch in that wide and empty room. Those words, they were all she wanted to hear from him a few years ago. She had hoped and begged and even prayed to a god she never really believed, just to have her brother back. But Lex was far from reach. So she went through all the pain of accepting he was lost and all the pain of suppressing that desperate and stupid hope. But now, here he is, back to her life, asking for help. As she lies there, Lena wonders if she will ever reach a breaking point. She is probably pretty close of it by now. 

“Lena.”

“You are hurt. What happened?” She asks, her eyes still closed. Lena knows Lex is using her. Once he was honest and didn’t care for appeasing words. But he became manipulative and Lena learned the hard way to never trust a single word coming from his lips. So why does she still care?

“I got hurt during the escape. It’s a minor injury.”

“You had help to escape. Where are your friends? Why you don’t go to them for help?”

“You know I don’t have friends. I only trust you.” 

“And what exactly do you want from me, Lex?” Lena turns to face him with an unreadable expression on her face.  
..


	3. A sense of tragedy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure what to think about this chapter. To be honest, the whole story is beginning to feel lacking. I have clearly issues with linear stories, which is the reason why I chose to practice on this. Suggestions and critics are appreciated. Hope you guys enjoy.

#### A sense of tragedy.

**.**

Lena never considered herself a virtuous person, she thinks, while the light turbulence shakes her private jet. Sure, she has a moral compass and ethical principles guiding her every decision. But before being a good person, Lena is rational, analytic and ambitious. She will analyze every aspect of a question, every possible consequence and make a choice considering the best outcome. And that means she doesn’t trust herself when it comes to moral gray areas. She learned the hard way this world can be far too cruel to innocents and far too eager to make victims. And Lena has no intention to be one of them. 

But that doesn’t mean she isn’t fond of those who always stand up for what’s right – especially when right and wrong are such difficult concepts for her to grasp. Honestly, sometimes she admired, maybe even envied, those without a sense of self-preservation like hers. There is this bravery in facing injustice, cruelty and apathy, like Supergirl does, and Lena thinks it’s remarkable. But she honestly admires more those without the super powers, the unknown heroes that stand up for the right values. Like Kara who is brave enough to live by altruism and kindness without a single doubt in her mind. Lena could never be like that.

So Lena wonders what Kara would have to say, as Lex sleeps soundly in the seat in front of her – it’s incredible he can sleep like that in their current situation. Kara would probably be disappointed, which is understandable. Her friend has this faith in Lena that she is thankful for, really, but it makes her fear the day Kara will realize she doesn’t deserve that much trust. And Lena doesn’t really care about what others think of her, but she cares about Kara. And she would do anything to never disappoint her, but how could she ever forgive herself for turning her back on Lex? He is her family.

Lena studies her brother’s sleeping face. Lex has this ill appearance with sunken eyes and cheeks. He appears to have fallen into a deep slumber, which leads Lena to think he probably didn’t get to sleep well in prison. When they were younger, there were nights Lena would wake up from nightmares. Lex would always comfort her. He once gave her an old plush toy that had belonged to him and for a while Lena always slept with it. 

But those days are far gone, Lena thinks, as she glances through the window. They are heading to Black Creek, one facility east of state that once belonged to Luthor Corp. According to Lex, the lead scientist would be able to provide information on Lex’s condition. And of course, Lena is skeptical of the whole thing, even angry at herself for what she’s doing. But Lex’s symptoms indeed suggest a disease caused by radiation. So Lena canceled all her appointments for the next day to keep an eye on him. But she has no idea what to do next. She doesn’t know for how long she will keep covering Lex up. All she knows is Lena Luthor is now a criminal too. _Way to go, Lena._

She wakes up in a jump from the bump of the landing. Her vision is weary and they sky is gray, but Lena observes they arrived in an arid region and she reads a sign identifying the place as Black Creek. Lex has this neutral expression when they are received by Dr. Valle, the lead scientist, who ensures they won’t be seen by anyone else. And Lena tries not to judge people without knowing them first, but there’s something about dr. Valle that she dislikes. Something in the way he bows down slightly to look over his glasses with fixed eyes reminds her of a beast ready to pounce.

“Yes, Mr. Luthor. Your body is most likely suffering the effects of kryptonite’s radiation. Although some humans manage to extract power from it, we know for a fact some develop diseases. All I can say for now is that there’s a possibility of hematological cancer in your case. But we need to run a series of exams to stablish one diagnosis.” 

They are inside Dr. Valle’s cold office when he delivers the information without a single emotion in his voice. The possibility of a serious condition hits Lena harder than she expected, but she is surprised, and even touched, when Lex takes her hand and holds it tightly. 

“I need to stay here for the exams.” He says with a calm tone, but Lena’s mind rushes with thoughts. She has a corporation to run and she absolutely cannot disappear right after her brother escapes maximum-security prison. Lena knows she must avoid any suspicion, which means she has to leave Lex alone in that facility and go back to National City. And it makes her uneasy, the possibility of this being Lex’s plan all along. But she won’t back down now, for she made a decision to trust Lex one more time. So she takes the plane back to National City; Lex never leaving her thoughts. She will come back as soon as possible.  
  
**・**

“Kara.” Alex’s voice is quiet but enough to wake Supergirl up and the hero shifts her position to regain her balance on the chair. Kara still has this confused look on her face, until she realizes she’s safe and she’s in a secluded space of the DEO’s headquarters. “You seem tired.” 

“Yeah, I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately.” Kara confesses and Alex has this really concerned expression she only shows to her closed ones. “But don’t worry. As soon as we are done with this case, I’ll be able to rest.”

“I’m worried about you already.” Alex sits beside Kara and carefully observes her sister looking down while fidgeting with the red skirt. She knows Kara avoids eye contact when she’s brooding and she also knows Kara gets even more nervous with stares, so Alex looks ahead. “We haven’t been talking lately.”

“Yeah, sorry. I wanted to visit you this week, but I’ve been really busy.” Kara says and she knows Alex wants to make questions, so she asks instead. “How’s Maggie?” 

“She’s fine. You know, yesterday she said we should hang out together. Maggie, Mon-El, you and I. There’s this new bar we want to try.” Alex says and she doesn’t like the way Kara frowns slightly. “Hey.” So she calls and she has those inquiring eyes and Kara suspects Alex has no idea how intimidating she can become. 

“Mon-El and I… We aren’t on good terms.” Kara’s sad look stirs Alex’s feelings. And the agent wants to say something, anything, to make her sister feel better, but she feels helpless as she realizes she can’t offer any advice from experience. And she curses herself because Kara notices Alex’s distress and put on that smile she uses to pretend she’s okay. “Don’t worry. For real. It’s just a temporarily crisis, we are going to be fine.”

Kara wonders who she is trying to convince. 

And before Alex can think of anything to say, Winn appears by the door. He has one eyebrow arched, as he is surprised to find both of them in that place. 

“Ladies. Superman is here.”

So Supergirl reunites with the team to hear what Clark has to say. It’s possibly linked to Lex’s escape, Kara thinks, as she walks towards her cousin. And she’s right. Superman talks about his enemy, how he received help from two super soldiers, one of them possibly been the same Mon-El and Supergirl faced the other night.

“So it’s proved Lex was indeed behind the rise of these new super soldiers.”

“The extent on the project is still unknown, but one scientist who worked on the facility found in Metropolis agreed to help in the investigations. All evidences were destroyed, but there may be more to it than super soldiers and kryptonite weapons.” Clark makes a pause and look for Kara’s eyes. “Lex is a dangerous man. I need your collaboration to find him.”

“Sure. As long as Lex is involved in this super soldiers mess he’s our responsibility too. But this whole country is looking for him and he is still out of sight.” Supergirl steps ahead and turns to face her team.

“I suppose we should start investigating Lena Luthor then.” J’onn suggests for Kara’s dismay.

“What?” Kara protests indignant. “Are you suggesting she’s covering up for Lex? Why is she even our number one suspect? What about Lillian Luthor?”

“Lillian disappeared three years ago in confront against us. We never tracked her again. She’s most likely dead.” J’onn answers in a harsh tone. “Now, Lena may have proved her worth, but she’s still his sister. There’s a chance Lex contacted her. And you, Kara, will approach Lena to investigate.”

Kara sighs and bites her lips, because she looks at the others and realizes she’s the only one against that idea. And Alex wants to be at her sister’s side, but she knows what she is capable to do for Kara and that means she believes Lena may be the same as her. 

“Do your job, Danvers.”  
  
**・**

Lena finishes reading the second report and takes some notes. Work has always been one of the best distractions in her life, which is the reason why she headed directly to her office after leaving Black Creek. She needed to occupy her mind, otherwise all that mess involving Lex would take over it.

It is already the end of the day and a setting sun tints National City’s sky with orange and pink shades. Most of L-Corp employers are heading home and Lena wonders if she should do the same – an idea she immediately rejects. Coming back to her empty and silent home would probably only drive her crazy. She feels the burden of the Luthor name is beginning to feel too heavy to carry alone. But she has no one. 

Well, maybe Kara would be upset if she could read Lena’s mind. But, to be honest, Lena doesn’t think she’s wrong. Kara has her own life, her own burdens and priorities. She has her mother, her sister and her fiancé. And Lena is just one of many friends. So she knows she doesn’t have much space on Kara’s life – she doesn’t dream about that. But Kara occupies this big part on hers and sometimes – most of times – it’s a blessing, but there are times, like now, it just amplifies the emptiness in her chest and it hurts so much.

So Lena thinks life is probably just mocking her when Jess enters her office and announces Kara insists in seeing her at this hour.

“Please, let her in. You can go home, Jess. Thanks for today.”

Meeting Kara, Lena thinks, is always a delight – except for days like this, when she feels vulnerable and confused. Not that she wants Kara to think she’s a woman made of steel. But Kara, being incredibly people-oriented, gets the things people so desperately try to hide. And Lena has a lot to cover today. 

“Lena. Is this a bad time?”

The brunette doesn’t even need to look a second time. She notices the weak smile and disheartened eyes, the single arm crossed and slightly slanted eyebrows. Everything about Kara looks sad and Lena stands up right away. 

“No. Let’s have a sit.” She holds Kara’s hand to guide her to the couch, and she’s so gentle Kara swears something has opened and it’s hurting inside of her. “What’s going on?”

Kara feels bad, because Lena’s green eyes is full of concern for her and they are so earnest and tender, she feels something twisting and wrapping around her heart. Kara knows she has to say something, but right now she can only think how much she despises herself for agreeing to J’onn’s plan. Not only because it deems Lena as a suspect, but also for using her trust – their friendship – to extort information about Lex. 

And Lena, on the other hand, has tossed all her previous worries aside in the moment she saw Kara’s distress. And whatever was the reason for that, Lena swore to herself she would deal with it. Kara’s blue eyes are dim and lost and Lena admits it makes her angry and sad, so she wants to protect Kara from whatever made her like this. 

The office remains silent and Kara’s mind is racing as she struggles to find what to say. And Lena doesn’t really invade people’s space, so she’s waiting. She will respect Kara’s silence and wants her friend to feel comfortable enough to speak without feeling any pressure. But the reporter keeps avoiding her eyes and it occurs to Lena that Kara is kind and selfless and she’s probably thinking of herself as bother. And Lena absolutely can’t let Kara thinks that, so she initiates the talk. 

“Kara. Is this about your fiancé?”

It is a wild guess at most and Lena is almost sure she couldn’t have been more insensitive. But if there’s one thing Kara always hesitates to talk about, that’s Mike. And, to be honest, she is thankful for that. Talking about her fiancé would always open a wound in Lena, because she has fallen for Kara. She undeniably and fatally loves Kara Danvers. But it is meaningless and it won’t change anything. So Lena avoided any thoughts of it, closing her eyes and her heart from that useless pain. 

But right now, if Kara needs someone to talk about her relationship, surely Lena will hear. And she knows she needs it from the wince Kara’s let when she mentioned her date with her fiancé the last time they met. Lena doesn’t need much to put things together.

And Kara is taken aback. Sure, she is feeling bad for a complete other reason, but Lena is right to assume her relationship with Mon-El is crumbling. Which makes her wonder how evident that actually is. _Damn, sharp woman._ A genuine smile parts Kara’s lips and Lena tilts her head and arches her eyebrow. No one sees this gentle side of Lena – the one that reads between the lines and is subtle but really caring. And it makes Kara’s chest feels heavy. 

“Yeah, we’ve been arguing a lot lately.” The blonde confesses looking down. Then she realizes Lena still holds her hand and, for some reason, her heart begins to pound hard against her chest. 

“About what, if you allow me to ask?”

“Hm… Everyday things.” 

_About how to act like a proper hero. About accusing people without knowing them first. About how he’s changing and I have no idea what’s going on._ Kara thinks her situation is quite ridiculous, so she wants to laugh, but, maybe, in fact, she just wants to cry.

“Sometimes, it feels like he doesn’t get me at all – feels like I’m simply disregarded. And that’s… Quite lonely.” And it crosses Kara’s mind that she may have passed the boundaries, but Lena has this special ability of making her comfortable to open up. Even to things she is hiding from herself. And that’s a given really, because she doesn’t know what she would do if she had to keep all the pressure inside.

“And there’s also this thing.” And Lena notices from the way Kara braces herself and flinches that this is important, so she comes closer and places her hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “Sometimes, it feels like he’s a completely different person from the man I know. I can’t even recognize him. And it’s brief and it doesn’t happen too often, but when it happens… It terrifies me.”

Now that is something Lena can relate to, as Lex crosses her mind for the first time since Kara showed up. And she knows quite well what Kara means by being terrified. 

“I guess I can relate to you.” Lena says, her voice somber. “How they feel so out of reach, standing right in front of you. How utterly alone and helpless you feel when you can’t recognize the person who was supposed to be there.” 

Kara observes as those green eyes turns to the bleak ones that always makes her sad. She knows this is about Lex. And Kara feels Lena distancing, answering a call from the past. But this time, she remains there, her eyes regaining their focus on Kara.

“My advice?” She takes Kara’s hand again. Lena finds quite amusing that they are always warm. “Do whatever you’ve got to do so you can forgive yourself in the end. Cause if it’s meant to be, people will change regardless of your efforts.” A pause, in which Lena caresses Kara’s hands absently. “You tell you’d do anything to prevent it. But no matter who you are – no matter how rich or powerful –, the truth is when it comes to other people, you are powerless. But trying your hardest now will let you walk away in peace I guess.”

And Kara knows Lena’s words won’t make things better like magic, but for a while it feels like they can. And for her, it’s comforting enough, for reminding she’s doing her best. It reminds her that in the end, things end up alright – just sometimes not in the way one envisions. And that’s okay.

“You know, sometimes it feels like you understand me better than anyone.” Kara says and there’s this strange shadow in her blue eyes and this faint smile on her soft lips, and Lena thinks it beautiful and somewhat sad. It takes all her self-control to not kiss Kara Danvers right there.

“I’ve been there.” Lena swallows hard and her voice is hoarse, but Kara doesn’t seem to notice. She never does. 

There’s again silence between the two, but it doesn’t feel awkward. And Kara is quietly considering the reason she is there. Lena has proved once more that she’s a valuable friend and Kara doesn’t feel like suspecting or betraying her trust. She refuses to take part in Lena’s investigation and that feels just right.

But suddenly, Lena eyes lit in resolution and Kara has a bad feeling about this.

“Kara, I need to tell you something. I hope you can understand me. And, please, keep this a secret.” Lena breaths are erratic and Kara bites her lips, her eyes widening from the anticipation. _Please, don’t._

“Lex contacted me.”  
  
**・**

Kara sits curled up alone in her couch, blankly staring into space. Mon-El wanted to stay that night, but Kara said she needed to finish her article – an obvious lie. She needed the time to think.

She sighs, while running her hands through her hair. She is an idiot. She should have never agreed to investigate Lena. She should have never gone to her office in that afternoon. Kara would have avoided such a mess. Lena is also in a messy situation on her own, Kara thinks, and neither of them can help the other anymore. And Kara can’t judge Lena for her choice, because she understands. She has Alex and she would never give up on her sister. Ever. 

But now, Kara has a choice and she feels hopeless. Lena has made her call. And now it is Kara’s turn. Be a hero and betray Lena or keep a secret and let a mass murderer escape? Actually, Kara knows the right thing to do, but the price of it is so dear to her – Lena is so precious –, it’s unfair. But risking the lives of innocents would go against her own vows as a hero and she absolutely cannot let it happen.

The thing about making a choice, Kara thinks, is accepting she’s the one to blame for the outcomes. Either she makes her call and tries to make the best out of it or renounces the choice and is left at mercy of whatever rules this life. Existentialism at its finest. She tries to find solace at that, as she reaches for her phone with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Lena knows where Lex is hidden.” 

And Kara lies in her couch for the rest of the night, weeping in silence.


	4. Hero's heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author's note:**  
>  Thanks for the support of everyone who is reading this story! Special thanks for everyone who left kudos and comments– your opinions are welcomed and important. 
> 
> I noticed a few mistakes on last chapter. I apologize for that. I was in a hurry to deliver Chapter 3, so I didn’t take much time to review it properly. I reviewed chapter 4 countless time to avoid that, but I'm sleep deprived, so you may still spot mistakes. 
> 
> Also, I have a question for you guys, so if any of you have the time after reading the chapter, just look for it in Author’s note at the end of the chapter. 
> 
> Now let the angst begin (that would have made a better title for this chapter).

#### Hero's heart

**.**

It’s Saturday morning when sunlight enters the room through the windows of Kara’s apartment. The girl is still lying on her couch, when the light illuminates her face, causing her to frown. Kara wakes up and shifts slowly to look at the ceiling. There is this new weight in her chest, possibly a mix of surrender and self-loathing, and she knows she will carry it with her for a while. The girl closes her eyes. She barely got any sleep and she can feel her eyes swollen. But Kara is done crying for now – she knows this is only the beginning.

So she gets up and does her best to cast her worries aside. Kara notices her phone on the floor and grabs it. Mon-El had called her a few times. He hasn’t showed up on her apartment yet, so Kara assumes he is probably mad and, to be honest, she can’t feel a single thing. There’s also a text from Alex to check on her, and that brings a bit of comfort. But it’s not enough and Kara wonders why. Mon-El and Alex, they were her main supporters in life – they were usually enough to make things feel better. So why is it that the thought of losing Lena makes her feel like her whole world is crumbling?

Kara wonders if Lena would ever forgive her. The hero has no idea what is going to happen to her or Lex and it’s quite scary. The DEO, by now, is probably tracking Lena every move and knowing the extent of its resources, Kara knows it won’t take long until they find out Lex’s location. She can only hope Lena doesn’t get hurt – like physically hurt – because otherwise Kara will have even a harder time to come to terms with her decision. No, she absolutely cannot let it happen. She will never forgive herself for it. 

The time passes by slowly, but eventually Kara receives the call from the DEO. And she knows exactly what this is about when she sees the satisfied look J’onn has on his face upon arriving in the headquarters. Not only him – everyone there looks motivated and determined to capture Lex – and she should be too, but instead she feels hollow. 

“You did a great job, Kara.” J’onn says and Supergirl fakes a half-smile. “I must say Lena is one smart woman. She fooled our tracking systems and would have thrown us off, if we didn’t know better.”

“Lena went to Black Creek’s facility today.” Winn pointed to a location on a monitor’s screen. “It’s a desert region. Great place to hide.”

“What’s the plan now?” Kara asks conscious about the worry she displays in her face. 

“Tonight the DEO will send a team of agents to arrest Lex and get evidence on the experiments of the facility. And we will back them up.” Clark – who had come to the DEO right after being warned about Lex’s location – said looking to her and Mon-El. “Bear in mind, Lex is extremely dangerous. Be prepared to face countless traps.” 

As the team disbanded to prepare for the operation, Kara remained still standing in the same place. And Alex, who noticed her sister’s heavy semblance, approaches her slowly. All the years living with the kryptonian made Alex keen to any change on her sister’s behavior. So she knows Kara is feeling terribly guilty. 

“You did the right thing, Kara. Just keep trusting yourself to do the right thing.”

Kara has this very sad look, because she attempts to smile but instead her face distorts in misery. 

“I have a bad feeling about this, Alex.”  
  
**・**

The cold laboratory’s walls are white and the lights are blinding, so Lena – who is sitting beside Lex – closes her eyes and holds her head with both hands. There is this throbbing pain in her head, as Dr. Valle continues his explanation, and she wonders if Lex is listening. She isn’t – she stopped the moment the scientist mentioned leukemia and chemotherapy. Lex has to start the treatment as soon as possible and his prognosis can only be determined by his response to the medications. That was all her mind could process before shutting down.

She faces the same fear again: the one of losing her brother. And that’s how Lena realizes how much she still cares for him – how she never really stopped caring – whether or not that man beside her is the one she grew up with. And he was right, he doesn’t deserve to die. She doesn’t want him to, so Lena is worried and scared and alone. And if Lex dies, she will be even lonelier. 

“Lena, don’t worry. There’s treatment.” His voice is calm and he takes her hands firmly. “I’ll survive this.” He tries to reassure her, but Lena notices he isn’t so sure himself. Something in the way his voices shakes confirms it. So she embraces him, like she has not done in years, and it’s surprisingly warm. “I’ll stay hidden to start the treatment. I’ll hide somewhere safe, where you can visit me.” 

And Lena believes on it. 

But Dr. Valle suddenly has this tormented expression, resembling a cornered beast. He stands up abruptly after receiving a message on his phone and the siblings focus on him.

“Lex. The cops are here!”

“What?” Lena asks alarmed as Lex stands up. “I’m sure I took all the measures to avoid them.” She has no idea how they tracked them, but maybe she had underestimated the agents. 

“It’s okay, there’s still a way out of this.” Lex’s semblance is exceptionally calm, and Lena notices a strange gleam on his eyes. “Dr. Valle, you know what we have to do. I need the suit. And release the soldiers.”

“Lex! What are you planning?” Her voice is strained and Lena follows the men as they run through a long corridor. Eventually they reach another room of the facility, and the brunette looks in awe at giant piece of metal. A battlesuit, a weapon with the potential to destroy and kill countless of people. And two soldiers, armed with kryptonite weapons are waiting for them.

Lena’s hands shake, not from the contents of that room, but for what she sees in Lex’s face. There it is. That madness – the maniac eyes and uneasy smirk. And Lena knows she is losing Lex again. “Lex, don’t hurt anyone. We can still escape this place. But don’t do anything unnecessary!” Lena urges, but deep down she knows he won’t listen.

“Superman is here, Lena. I know it. How am I supposed to stand a chance against him?” Lex says, while entering the warsuit – still a prototype but enough to face his arch-enemy even. “Dr. Valle. Take Lena out of here.”

“No. Lex! Don’t fight them!” And Lena tries to escape the scientist’s arms, but her strength is not enough. And as she is dragged towards the door, she watches in horror the moment Superman, Supergirl and Mon-El enters the room. But the door closes and she finds herself farther and farther away from them.  
  
**・**

Kara faces down and she observes small pools of red staining the ground. Blood drips from her mouth and she feels her lips burning. Whenever she bleeds, Kara is reminded of her own mortality – something that she often forgets. She wonders if humans are the same. And it occurs to her she never asked anyone about it – if humans live with death in the back of their minds, following their every move. Does Alex think about death whenever she enters a battlefield, whenever she is with Maggie? Probably not. _Hopefully not._ Once, she heard gods envy humans for their mortality. Well, she is definitely not a god – although being invulnerable and having extended life-span is quite close to being immortal – but for Kara it is not really about being envious of people who die, but actually it’s about resenting death for taking them away. And her thoughts on that matter are still pretty much immature, and they are bitter and distressing, so she tries not to think about death, which is tricky when your whole body feels weak and heavy and there’s an enemy trying to pierce you with a green blade. And there he is coming for her. 

Kara stands up and avoids his blow, by distancing herself again. She’s trying to buy time – trying to think about a way to win this battle. She is in disadvantage. Winn tried to improve the kryptonite shield, but that’s still not enough. And Supergirl is worried because Clark has it even worse. Lex’s warsuit is definitely something to fear and she honestly doesn’t know if they can win this. So Mon-El is actually their best bet, but he is still facing his own opponent for now.

“Kara!”

A green blasts hits her right on the chest and throws her against a nearby wall. She’s lucky she had the shield, Kara thinks, as she takes a mental note to thank Winn for this one. As she struggles to get up, Supergirl observes the soldier approaching. It would have been her end, if Mon-El had not subdued the soldier he was facing in time, and charged against the one attacking Kara. 

“Kara, this place is full of kryptonite. We need to fight somewhere else. Get Clark and let’s go!” Still holding the soldier, Mon-El flew destroying the walls in his way and Kara, using what was left of her strength, managed to get her cousin before Lex could hit him.

So they are now in a wide area of the facility, with containers and signs of flammable material. Kara and Clark are recovering from the effects of the stone, while Mon-El continues to fight the soldier. But Lex soon appears inside the giant metal suit.

“This will be the place I’ll bury you, Clark.” Lex voice is full of hatred and Kara recognizes that man is fatally insane.

Superman, upon seeing his enemy, stands up determined to defeat Lex once and for all. They fight too focused on each other to care about the integrity of their surroundings. And Kara realizes she has to help Mon-El as he is struggling to defeat the other soldier. But by the time Kara and Mon-El emerges victorious on their fight against the super soldier, the place is wrecked and there are flames surrounding all the area.

“I build this place to destroy you, Clark. What a dream is to bury you exactly here.” Lex has a frantic semblance as he laughs uncontrollably.

“It’s over, Lex!” Superman has had enough, so he uses his heat vision to restrain Lex suit against one of the containers and he doesn’t care if they are surrounded by the fire. 

“This place is going to explode. We need to get out of here!” Mon-El helps Kara to stand and they are about to fly away, when Kara hears it. It’s faint and weak but familiar. And the horror she feels when she recognizes the voice shakes her being.

“Lex!” Lena screams from the other side of the area, still prisoner of Dr. Valle’s grip.

“This place is not safe!” The scientist tries to keep her still, but she uses all her strength and it’s enough to break free.

“Lex is my responsibility!” Lena says and her voice is almost a roar – resounding with determination and silencing her surroundings. And she runs as fast as she can towards the central area. She can feel the heat as she makes her way through the flames, but Lena doesn’t care. It is funny how she never considered herself brave, until being brave was her only option. Or maybe she is just crazy and stupid – _yeah, that’s more like it._ And as she runs towards death, Lena realizes there’s not a single doubt in her mind, not one bit of her sense of self-preservation. There is only this conviction to protect someone who is too dear to her. 

“Lena!” And Kara’s cry is desperate, but Mon-El holds her wrists, preventing her from moving.

“What are you doing? This place is going to explode! You’re still weak from the kryptonite!” 

“Let me go, Mon-El!” 

“Why take the risk? She’s the enemy.” He has this resentful look and Kara can’t really believe his words.

“Lena is important to me!” Kara says in a burning anger. She’s weak and she can’t free herself from him, but her eyes – her eyes can shoot him if necessary – and they are cold and bright. And Mon-El has this dark gleam in his look, a hint of disappointment and bitterness, his jaw tensed. But he lets go of her arm and Kara turns and never looks back.

When Kara finds Lena, she is just meters away from where Superman and Lex are having their confront.

“Lena! We need to get out!” Kara holds her friend in her arms, despite her protests. And Lena watches in horror and she sees herself distancing from Lex, as Kara flies as fast as she can away from that place.

“Lex!” A scream that burns forever in Kara’s memory. She will never forget the despair, the fear and the sadness in Lena’s voice. And that is all Kara hears before a loud explosion engulfs everything in flames.  
  
**・**

The remains of Black Creek are still on flames when groups of agents, one after another, leave the wreckages of the building. Kara watches as they greet each other in contentment – the sudden relief of finding those who are dear to them safe and alive. A feeling she shares when Alex appears among the agents, smiling with just a few minor injuries. Their eyes met and the sisters exchange this look only they know the depth and the meaning of it. And Kara lets out this breath she was holding the whole time, the weight disappearing in her chest as a wave of relief takes over her. A feeling that is denied to Lena. 

Kara observes as the Luthor watches the flames. There are hints of shock, fury and sorrow in her semblance. But her green eyes never waver; they remain steady replaying again and again the moment Lex was consumed by the fire. A scene that will haunt Lena for many nights to come. And Kara wants to offer words of comfort, but nothing comes out of her throat, except for this sudden urge to cry. Because this world keeps moving forward – the agents greet one another, Alex coordinates her team, Superman leaves the building with minor injuries – but time has stopped to Kara as Lena’s world crashes in slow motion. 

“Lena. I’m so sorry for Lex.” Kara approaches her friend to embrace her, but the brunette raises her arm to stop the hero.

“Don’t touch me.” And her voice is hoarse and cutting and she just wants to pierce things with it. “You left him to die in the flames.” She says, her eyes never leaving the fire.

“Lena…”

“I admired you. I thought you were different.” She says and Kara listens quietly feeling the weight of guilty pulling her down. “But you’re like everyone else. Only seeing the world in black and white. Having this firm belief that your point – and your point alone – is right. You stand like all the others, a judge of saints and demons. A self-righteous, moralistic god who gets to decide who lives and who dies. I have no need of people like you in my life.”

Lena says those words in a hatred she never thought she held inside. And she doesn’t care if she’s blaming the wrong person or not or even if she is making any sense. Because right now, there is not a single thing in her being that does not ache and she is disgusted at everything. Even at her. She reached her breaking point. And she doesn’t give a damn to her life or anything really. So Lena walks past Supergirl in silence, towards Alex who has been watching everything, and extends her hands together. The handcuffs are cold against her skin, but everything besides pain is numb in her body. 

Lena has no intention in staying in jail. She is determined to be in her brother’s funeral.  
  
**・**

The first memory she has of Lex is of the day she arrived in the Luthor mansion in a gray morning. She was four and she didn’t know what to expect, but her new mother seemed scary and she didn’t want to live there. But Lex – he never cared about their family issues – and the first thing he did was to teach her to play chess. Lena had so much fun she forgot the adult’s conversation. 

Lena remembers the fights began when she was a few years older. No matter how much she struggled, it was never enough. Never a decent tremolo, never the ideal chess’ strategy, never the best attitude for an honor student. And, eventually, “never enough” became “rebel” and then “insolent” and then invisible. She didn’t expect her new mother to smile like she did when she was with Lex. But Lena wished she could at least look at her. 

Fortunately, Lex would laugh. Whenever they played chess and she would win, Lex always laughed delighted. Maybe he thought it was amusing. People didn’t know Lex very well – he was never one to have friends. Even their father would complain he wasn’t passionate enough. Lena disagreed. Lex was passionate about many things, chess being among them. Astronomy being another. When Lena had troubled sleeping, Lex would take his telescope and teach her about galaxies, black holes and distant suns. She loved their late night conversations about dark matter and multiverse. 

And Lena would never have thought that of all possible universes – of all millions stacked on millions – this one would have her bury him twenty years later in one rainy morning, cold and bleak. No one cried. No even Lena, whose eyes kept facing the ground even after everyone left. There was no comfort in burying a brother. Wherever her mind wandered, she would find memories of Lex – of her brother she would mourn more than once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author's note:**  
>  It was really a pain to write the action scenes. I was so dissatisfied with the first version that I decided to cut them short and add introspection lol. 
> 
> I decided to compose this chapter with shorter scenes. I know there was a lot I could explore in Supergirl x Lena confront and Lex's funeral, but I decided to save it for later, or the story may become a bit repetitive.
> 
>  **Question:** Regarding Kara’s character, does she look more like a puppet for this story than a main protagonist? Since it’s more Lena centered, I already expected that it could happen. Also, Lena is more relatable to me, so she’s easier to develop. Kara will have more light in the next chapters, so I’d like to know what you guys think and if I need to correct a few things on her.


	5. Luthor's mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Author’s note:**  
>  Thanks again for everyone reading this story. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> About next updates: I planned this fic to be 7 chapters long. And although I already have the drafts of the last 2 chapters, I want to give them a lot of thinking, so I can tie all loose ends and write a good ending. That means the next updates will take a little longer. Expect chapter 6 by the end of next week if things go according to plan.

#### Luthor’s mind.

**.**

A woman walks along the pier in that early hour. Her pace is nonchalant, but she eventually reaches the end of the lane and stops, watching the great lake ahead. A light fog lingers in the horizon and she almost can’t see the other side of the lake, where distant mountains are covered by trees. And the sky is a grayish blue, blurred with red and orange – the first lights of a sun that is rising behind the clouds. Every shade is reflected by the still water, a perfect mirror, and that would have been beautiful in other times. But to Lena, that auburn sky is but fire and blood in her eyes.

She sits in the border of the wooden construction, her feet hanging just above the water. There is a light wind blowing her long hair and her gray cardigan does not offer enough protection, so the cold bites her skin. But she doesn’t care – every fiber of her being already feels cold. A quick glance at her numb fingertips, but she closes her fists when she sees her reflection in the water. Haunted by ghosts, she is becoming one herself, Lena thinks, as she observes the image of a pale woman, with dry lips and dark eyes. She barely got any sleep; her nights tormented by shadows. In the border of sleep and awake, Lena finds darkness, Lex and fire and she isn’t quite sure whether they are nightmares or just insanity preying on her soul.

She is exhausted. Not just physically or emotionally, but existentially tired. So Lena tried to run from everything. She ran from National City to her own secret hideaway in the north mountains. She ran from L-Corp and business and cops, leaving everything in the hands of board members and lawyers. She even ran away from Kara, the only person she still trusts. And despite her best efforts to run from Lena Luthor, she found out there are things one cannot run away from. And right now, everything she feels is pain, and every thought she has is bitter and dangerous. And her body is a battleground where her soul and her mind crash endlessly. Because every part of her hates, despise and resent this world and every being on it, but a weak and pitiful whisper tells her to remain kind. So she waits. Because Lena knows she is not the wounds or the war inside her and, at some point, she has to find closure, so Lena waits for the healing and the rebuilding. 

And she has no idea how long it will take, but Lena trusts herself to get back to her feet. There is this desire to look for Kara – who has being desperately trying to contact her by phone – to tell her that ‘yes, all my soul feels tired and numb and this life is suffocating, but I will get better and move on, and none of this was your fault, so just wait’. And Lena realizes Kara is the only person she can think about without clenching her fists. Kara who has an honest heart, one that would beat and throb and hurt like any other, with one simple but significant exception: it can make Lena’s cold one beat and throb and hurt too. But she doesn’t want Kara to see her like this. Not when all her demons are on the loose and not a single thing about her feels like worth saving. 

But a shiver runs down her spine when a familiar feeling strikes her and Lena realizes someone has been observing her all along. Turning around, Lena thinks she may have gone mad, as all the beasts inside her let a loud roar.  
  
**・**

Kara hears the scream – a pitiful noise that echoes all around her – and she isn’t sure whether it belongs to a person or a creature. But she knows they are dying, trapped among the walls of flame. Kara is desperate, because she cannot find them and everything is so hot, but she can feel fear creeping in, freezing her chest. And the scream is louder now as their skin is burning and they agonize in pain. So Kara rushes through the flames and horror strikes with the scene she comes across. Lena wails – a dreadful howl leaving her throat – as Lex lies dead in her arms and the flames consumes them both.

A shriek escapes Kara’s lips as she wakes up in a jump. Her hands shake uncontrollably and her breaths are short and erratic. She takes her time to recognize her room and, upon realizing it was all just a nightmare, Kara lets her body sink in her bed. She closes her eyes and swallows hard – Lena’s cry still reverberates in her head in that silent hour of the morning. So Kara opens her eyes and, staring at the ceiling, she wishes she could wake up from that reality too – go back to a time before everything went in a downward spiral. And for her dismay, Kara knew things had yet to hit bottom.

Kara had not seen Lena after Black Creek incident. She didn’t have the heart to attend Lex’s funeral. And Kara had every last inch of her self torn apart for not being there for Lena when she needed her the most. But Kara could never face her friend knowing she was oblivious to everything – knowing that if only Lena knew the truth, she could come to hate Kara and never forgive her. And that is the only thing that is preventing Kara to tell the truth. Because, honestly, she always wanted Lena to know about everything. At first, she kept Supergirl a secret to protect her friend from unnecessarily dangers. But as they grew closer, Kara’s desire to learn more about Lena intensified, and so did Kara’s desire to share. She wanted Lena to know about this big part of her life and about the person she was for real. And unfortunately now, that truth will only bring them pain.

Kara sighs and reaches for her phone over the nightstand. There is no message of Lena and she feels this heaviness in her chest. Kara called Lena a few times, but the woman just answered with a simple text telling her not to worry, and that she would be away for some time. And Lena’s silence is killing her, because Kara cares and worries and she knows Lena is not fine. 

A knock on her door interrupts her trail of thoughts and a groan escapes her lips when she uses her power to see through the walls. She had forgotten Mon-El would come by morning and he doesn’t look happy when she opens the door. 

“Can we talk today?” He looks serious and Kara doesn’t really like the tone of his voice. Something about it sounds aggressive and resented, which Kara can actually understand. They had not talked since the operation in Black Creek. And Kara had to confess she was partially to blame, as Mon-El had called a few times, but Kara isolated herself from the world. She still wished she would keep her solitude, but feeling guilty-ridden, there was no way she could tell him to leave her alone.

“Sure. Come in.”

Mon-El headed inside sitting in the couch. He waits for Kara to sit beside him, which the girl does, leaving a small but significant space between them. Mon-El observes as Kara keeps facing down, building a wall to separate them and that irritates him.

“What’s going on with you?” He asks, but Kara tenses her body and closes her eyes. She would appreciate those words if they had not sounded so incriminating. Sure, lately, she has been neglecting their relationship, but she hasn’t been doing it deliberately. Still, the heaviness inside her chest pressures a bit more and Kara isn’t sure for how long she will be able to carry any more of that guilt. 

“You know, I can’t understand you. It’s like you are a complete different person from the woman I know.” Mon-El confesses and Kara, surprised with those words, retreats from her mind back to reality.

“What?”

“It’s exactly as I said.” His eyes meet Kara’s and they seem to hold a grudge she had no idea was ever there. “Lately, all you ever do is mope around and confront me. I miss how you used to be.”

“Is it so wrong to be like this? Maybe I have my reasons.” Kara argues incredulous. 

“Yeah, well, I can’t understand you. I need you to tell me what’s wrong.”

Maybe she just doesn’t want to. And that makes Kara feels bad, because she isn’t sure if she is just being irrational or prideful, but at the same time Kara thinks she doesn’t need to feel obligated to confide in someone she just doesn’t want to, and, suddenly, the whole feeling of guilt over their relationship feels just wrong and unfair. 

Kara’s silence and her persistence to keep things to herself aggravate his anger, so Mon-El doesn’t really care about his words anymore and if they hurt, so be it. 

“Is this because of Lex’s death?” He asks, his face distorting in a scowl. “He was a criminal. We did the right thing. At least now, the world has one less sociopath to worry about.”

But Kara kept looking down, feeling something inside her building up. And she wonders if letting Mon-El in was a good idea in the first place.

“Or is this about Lena?” And he lets a scorn escape his lips – a mix of disgust and malice – as he noticed a light frown in Kara’s face upon hearing that name. “Why do you care so much about her, anyway?”

“Mon-El…” And Kara finds herself warning him to stop, but Mon-El continues enraged.

“That woman covered a mass murderer. She’s a criminal, Kara, face it! And the worst kind of them, the type that goes unpunished for being filthy rich. So you did nothing wrong.”

And that’s it. _People snap._

“This is not about doing what’s right or not.” Kara suddenly raised her head to stare Mon-El directly in the eyes. “This is about how I feel!”

Waves of outburst keep crashing inside, and Kara feels almost pleased to let the furor of the moment to take control over her. Almost. Because, in reality, all that anger is terrifying, so she tries her hardest to conceal it and it hurts like hell. But she still says everything that comes to her mouth in a contained and suffocating anger and she doesn’t care if she will hurt them both.

“This is about how life is just confusing and nothing feels right anymore. This is about how disillusioned I am about me, even though I believe I made the right choice regarding Lex. This is about how lonely I feel, because this world just won’t stop moving and people keep changing and so do I, but I’m still struggling to make sense of every person I am and there’s no one to acknowledge this!” And her fury is now silent tears that fall down her face, one after another. “And this is about how painful it is to know I’m losing the person who came closer to understand all this. And that’s not you, Mon-El.” 

And Mon-El stares blankly as Kara weeps beside him. He wants to comfort her, but there is this invisible wall separating them both, pulling Kara out of reach. And the words that come out from his mouth just don’t feel right. 

“Babe. Look, this is okay. I told you, don’t try to carry the weight of the world upon your shoulders…”

“Does it ever cross your mind?” Kara’s blue eyes are somber and earnest and they stare at his, seeking restlessly for something. “Don’t you feel disappointed at yourself when you fail someone? Don’t you vow to become stronger and never fail them ever again?” 

There is a silence in which – from the sad look of her eyes – Mon-El realizes whatever Kara was looking for, she didn’t find in him. 

“I know I’m not perfect, I won’t always succeed. But I’m not afraid of failure.” And although the tears kept falling, Kara’s semblance suddenly hardens in confidence. ”You know when people tell you to not take things so seriously, when they belittle something you are truly passionate about? In reality they are all just scared. They can’t be like that, as they are all afraid of failure. It is so much easier – so much safer – to pretend you just don’t care, to pretend you don’t try your hardest. But I’m not like that. I’m not afraid of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. Even if it’s not wise. Even if it’s not healthy. I refuse to live in cowardice.”

Another silence follows as Mon-El tries to make sense of those words.

“Kara, we are heroes, not gods.” His voice sounds quiet but stern.

“Exactly. And maybe that’s what it takes to be one.” 

Frustrated, Mon-El shakes his head. None of them is getting the other’s point and it feels like their relationship is crumbling right there. 

“You will only destroy yourself if you keep up like that!” He argues; his voice louder, urging Kara to understand his point. “You have to think about yourself too!”

“I understand I must learn that eventually.” Kara answers keeping her voice low. And she hesitates to say the next words, but she realizes she can’t keep running forever. “But it’s not you who is going to teach me that, Mon-El.”

“What do you mean?” Mon-El lets out a weak smile, afraid of the meaning in those words.

“You can’t help me. As much as you want to, you can’t, because…” Kara bites her lips and tenses her jaw. Realization struck her and she feels a bit lost, but things are so clear now she just can’t keep ignoring. 

“What is it, Kara?!” 

“You just don’t get me.” Kara can’t face him, so she says averting her eyes to the side. “At all.” 

“So this is my fault now?” Mon-El stands up running his hands through his hair. “I can’t help you with sorting out your feelings and crisis and it’s my fault?!”

“That’s what I’m talking about, you don’t understand me.” Kara remains sit, observing as Mon-El walks around restlessly. “I’m not blaming you. I’m not blaming anyone. I’m just saying we can’t work things out between us.” 

“Well, that sounds like an accusation to me.” He stops, holding one of the walls with one hand, while looking down.

“Mon-El…” Kara stands up and walks slowly towards one of the windows. And Mon-El still has his back to hers, so he can’t see her face looking down overwhelmed with sadness, but holding a strong conviction. She made her mind over something important and she won’t back down.

“You know, Kara, I’m so done with all this bullshit.” He turns to her, but Kara keeps looking at something in her hands. She remembers when the ring still meant something for her. “I can’t help you? Fine. Have all the time you need to sort out your problems.” 

“Mon-El, let’s just end things between us.” Her voice is but a whisper and the silence is heavy and infinite.

“What?” She isn’t quite sure with that was a word or a painful groan, but Kara closes her eyes and swallows hard. 

“You heard me well. Let’s break up.”  
  
**・**

She is almost sure she can hear all her demons scream and tear themselves apart, so Lena ponders if this is just another nightmare or if she has finally lost it. But the cold wind continues to caress her hair and her heart feels like dying and everything feels too real to be an illusion. 

“What are you doing here?” Lena asks between her teeth, her fists closed so tightly her knuckles are white.

“What a terrible way to greet your own mother, Lena.” There is this pause in which Lena wants to scream and a half-smile parts the older woman’s lips. “I see that I failed to teach you manners.” 

Lillian Luthor stands in the dock a few feet away, waiting patiently for her daughter to recover from the shock. Since her disappearance three years ago, many people deemed Lillian dead. But Lena knew better. She grew up with that woman, she knew her adoptive mother wouldn’t die so easily. Lillian would be hiding in the shadows, like a viper waiting patiently to pounce. But Lena noticed the years had weighted on her shoulders; her mother’s complexion looked afflicted and older – a semblance so different from the one she had in her memories. Or maybe that was the effect of Lex’s death. What she felt for him was the closest she ever came to love. 

“You still haven’t replied to my question.” A cold remark was the best Lena could offer. She doesn’t have what it takes to forgive that woman. After all her mother had done in the past, Lena came to accept the bitter and painful truth that Lillian – unlike Lex – ever since the beginning was and would always be a cruel and selfish woman. And as much as Lena tried to honor her mother, everything about her was disgusting and despiteful. 

“I came to check on you, Lena.” Lillian says as if that should be obvious. “You only have me now.” But Lena derides while crossing her arms and shaking her head.

“I’m better of alone.”

“Don’t act so tough. I know you’re suffering over Lex’s death.” There is a silence in which Lillian seems to hesitate and Lena notices the subtle flutter on her mother’s eyes. _Even the devil can grief._ “Just as much as I am.” 

“So you lament his death?” Lena lets out a hurtful laugh, as the fury begins to consume her. “You led him to it. You fed his madness!” Her voice cracks in a howl of wrath and resentment. There is heaviness in her eyes, as she fights the tears that are accumulating. 

“Don’t you dare accuse me!” Lillian’s voice is poisonous. She approaches Lena in a quick and precise movement, and stops just a few inches, her eyes sparkling in a dangerous fury. “You know very well who is to blame over Lex’s death.”

And Lillian’s eyes acquire a gleam of satisfaction as she observes Lena’s resigned silence – her experience distinguishing doubt and an opportunity to strike. 

“Do you see now, Lena? What I’ve been trying to teach you all this time?” The older woman takes a step back, her eyes acknowledging Lena’s fierce look. “Oh, I thought you were already over this. Yes, Lex was my favorite. Isn’t it natural? He was my legit child, while you reminded me of your father’s affair.”

The disgusted expression on Lillian’s face causes Lena’s fists to shake. The older woman, however, seems to take pleasure on that, as a satisfied smile parts her lips.

“But the reason why I was always so strict on you wasn’t because of our family issues. Lex wasn’t stubborn like you. He would listen to me. But you? You and your stupid arrogance, always so certain about you and what you wanted to accomplish.” 

“So what? Look what listening to you brought upon Lex.” Lena wished her voice had sounded confident, but she only managed a weak whisper.

“What about you?” Lillian’s eyes glance at her daughter up and down. “Did you get what you were looking for? Weren’t you always talking so big about making a name outside your family? You didn’t get that, right? People still judge you for the name you carry and they will always do. And how ironically, look at where you stand now. Exactly where Luthors always end up: cast away from society. Isolated.”

And Lena thinks she must have a very pitiful look, for Lillian suddenly rolls her eyes like she always did in the past, when Lena was so eagerly trying to get her approval.

“Why do you make that face, child? That’s a good thing, being a Luthor. You are a bright woman, Lena, I give you that. I never doubted that. Even brighter than Lex, I must admit.” The older woman swallows hard after those words. “But I was always displeased, for you disregarded your potential.”

“A potential to be a criminal like you? A murderer?” Lena asks with a frown. “Why would I ever want that?”

“The potential to be a champion. The potential to be in control and dictate the rules of this world.” Lillian says with a sober look. “Lena, you know this world is divided by winners and losers, and you were never meant to be another victim. You’ve seen for yourself. Society and their heroes, they seek someone to blame for their miserable lives.”

And Lena wants to say something, anything to stop that madness, but finds herself unable to do so.

“Look at you. You wanted to do good, to protect people. You seek to prove your worth. But what did it bring upon you, Lena?” As Lena remained silent, Lillian continued with a satisfied smirk. “Doubts and accusations. No one ever trusted you and, I hope you understand it by now, no one ever will. And you know why? Because the truth is: no one cares. This life is about surviving on your own. Don’t be naïve, Lena. You can only trust your family ties.”

“You tried to kill me more than once. And you still talk about trusting family ties?” Lena’s voice is quiet, but fierce.

“Oh, don’t resent that. I was trying to teach you a lesson. An important one.” As Lena shakes her head in disbelief, Lillian approaches her and holds Lena’s shoulders with both hands. “But I have never given up on you, haven’t I? I came to you again and again, trying to bring you to my side. Even after you betrayed me. Even knowing you would reject me, I have never given up on you. You cannot deny that.”

And Lena closes her eyes clenching her jaw. She thought she would find peace in the mountains, but these ghosts kept haunting her and she honestly thinks she can lose it this time.

“Everything in you belongs to the Luthor’s line: the blood in your veins, your brilliant mind and the ambition craving in your soul. It’s even in your green eyes.” And Lena recognizes immediately the passion and the pride in that voice; the fervor she was always so terrified of when she was younger. “You are a legit Luthor and you have the power to claim what is meant to be yours. This whole world is against you, so why do you still hesitate to teach people their place on it? You are alone and no one cares about you besides me.”

“That’s a lie.” Lena whispers. She keeps her eyes closed and right now everything is confusing and she is definitely losing it because, for a moment, her mother’s words didn’t sound so absurd like they used to. But she refuses to believe them. She has to – and she is terrified of the part of herself that is resented and vicious and shattered. So Lena holds on to the only thing that still makes sense, the only thing she still is certain about. Yes, everything else can be a lie, but Kara is real and Kara trusts her. And for that dear person, Lena would protect every last remaining piece of herself from breaking. “Someone cares. And that’s not you.”

Surprised, Lillian leans her head trying to understand the meaning of those words. And as realization strikes her, a sadistic grim appears in her semblance.

“Don’t tell me you’re talking about that girl.” A loud laugh escapes her lips. “I thought you were smarter, Lena. Or maybe you are just blind when it comes to her.”

“Don’t you dare say anything about her.” Lena says and for once her voice is menacing and loud.

“What is her name, again?” Lillian asks, a cruel smirk on her lips and her predatory eyes ready to apply the final blow. “Kara Danvers, right? Or should I say, Supergirl?”

It lasts only a few seconds or perhaps it is a life time, but Lena has the feeling time has stopped and something is crashing with no end, and maybe that is just her mind. 

“Kara Danvers is Supergirl. She used you to find out Lex’s location. Kara – who you hold so dear – used you.” 

It’s so simple, Lillian thinks. Everything is so fragile, things break so easily. And so do hearts and minds.

“Why should I trust your words?” Lena is trembling, because she knows there is no reason to believe any words coming from her mother – that between Kara’s and Lillian’s words, there was no doubt who she should trust. But Lena recognizes her mother’s favorite means to hurt – the cruel smirk, the sadistic eyes, every word used to pierce and hurt with relentless truth. 

“I have all the proofs. I honestly thought you had it figured out.”

Honestly, everything made so much sense. How could she have missed all those hints?

“You grew soft, Lena.” Lillian says observing Lena’s trembling figure. “You made a mistake. And do you know why? Because you couldn’t stand living alone. You desired to trust and be trusted, to have someone to rely on. So you allowed yourself to believe in life’s greatest illusion.”

Beyond them, the sun has risen and it paints the horizon in crimson, but her vision is blurry with tears. Lena’s sky is a festering wound that won’t heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Author’s note:**  
>  I’ll write so many fluff SuperCorp when I finish this fic. I’ll make Lena the happiest character possible to redeem myself omg.
> 
> And, finally, Mon-El is down. I waited 5 chapters – 5 chapters! – but he is finally out. (Believe me, I waited for it as eagerly as you)


	6. Under starless skies we are lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know from some comments that I’ve been torturing some readers lol. And honestly, it’s pretty nice that you guys made this far on the story despite that. So I hope I won’t let you down. I always try to write a better chapter than the previous one, but I had a lot of fun writing chapter 5 and I’m not sure if I can surpass it. Anyway, chapter 6 was delayed, because I had to think a lot to solve plot issues. Enjoy!

#### Under starless skies we are lost.

**.**

The cool metal rests on her hand. It’s such a tiny thing, but humans grant so much meaning to it, Kara thinks, as she feels the ring cold and heavy against her palm. She wonders what she should do with it. Mon-El left so fast she didn’t have the chance to ask if he wanted it back – hell, was that even something one should ask? Well, keeping it wasn’t an option, but tossing it in the bin didn’t feel completely right either. 

With those thoughts on her mind, Kara absently closes her hand around the ring and looks through her window – there is a pretty sunset over National City and everything feels surprisingly calm. She can understand now why a ring should bear so much value: even when things are over it perfectly works as a metaphor for the feelings left of a broken relationship. She has no idea what she is supposed to do with them or whether they have any meeting at all. 

There was a time she was pretty sure she was in love – or at least the closest she had ever being to love. But Kara was never an expert on that field and, to be honest, anything slightly intimate would feel like love to her. So maybe it was just infatuation. Or maybe she is just immature. 

Although she wonders if maturity could ever help at all when it comes to questions of the heart. Alex, for example, always had the best answers, but would she have the ones Kara was searching for? Probably not. Unlike her, Alex was pretty much in love and it must feel nice to love and be loved without a single doubt in your mind. So Kara almost envies Alex. Almost, because, in reality, she feels happy for her sister, and Alex deserves every bit of happiness she has been living with Maggie. 

So when Kara hears the fast and strong knocks on her door and sees the figure of her beloved sister behind it, a soft smile appears on her face. The first thing Alex does is to grab Kara in a warm and strong embrace.

“You know, you didn’t need to come.” Kara says but meets a pair of annoyed eyes glaring at her.

“Sure. As if I’d let you alone.” Alex says entering the apartment with a package, which she lifts up with a smirk. “I brought potstickers.” 

“Thanks.” Kara lets a faint smile escape her lips and Alex tries not to look so concerned, since she knows Kara feels bad when people worry about her, but it is so hard when a disheartened smile is Kara’s best reaction upon seeing potstickers. “I didn’t expect you to pamper me though.”

“You forget to eat when bad things happen.” Alex says matter-of-factly while observing Kara’s apartment. Her little sister has always been a fairly organized person, so it is pretty easy to spot when things are out of place. “This place is a mess.”

“Yeah, I didn’t have the time or the energy to organize it.” Kara says before dropping her body on the couch, her eyes staring blankly at the chandeliers, while Alex sits right beside her, leaving the food package on the table. “It’s not so bad, you know.”

Alex knows very well how powerful silence can be, so she waits until Kara organize her thoughts.

“This was my first serious relationship. But it doesn’t hurt as much as I thought.” Her blue eyes move to the side to meet Alex’s concerned ones. “I’m not sure how I feel and this is so weird, because I’m always so conscious about myself. When I decided to end things between us, it was so easy – it came so naturally. I even felt a bit cold and empty, but it was so clear what I had to do, what I wanted to do. And right now…” Kara turns her head to face Alex and comfortably rests the side of her face against the couch. “Right now I’m not sure what I should do or what I should feel. There’s this worn-out feeling of what I once felt for him, so what exactly I am supposed to do with it? I cannot toss it aside. I cannot give it to anyone. And it certainly doesn’t belong to me anymore.”

Alex, who had been listening attentively, shifts her body to rest her face against the couch mirroring Kara. There is this look in her brown eyes that is just comforting and Kara is thankful that Alex just gets it. It doesn’t matter if Alex was never in that position, she always made the best effort to understand Kara and that was enough.

“You’re being too hard on yourself and asking too many questions.” Kara disagrees at first, but Alex’s words sounds quiet and they have this subtle delicacy of owning the truth. “You don’t have to be a hero all the time.”

“What do you mean?” Kara frowns lightly as she tries to make sense of those words, but Alex has the expression of when she is certain about something – of when things are just simple and clear –, but Kara still misses the point.

“You are always so strong and brave, you forget it’s okay to be a little lost sometimes.” And Alex reaches for her sister’s hand; its warmth making her smile. “You’re here looking for answers and wondering what to do next and that is Supergirl worrying about how she can make things better. But Kara Danvers… Kara Danvers should allow herself to feel what anyone her age and in her situation is supposed to feel.”

“Yeah, and Kara Danvers is a mess right now.” A soft but reassuring pressure on Kara’s hand sends a comforting feel to her chest.

“Did you love him?” Alex asks after a brief silence. Maybe she was risking touching a sensitive point, but Kara was never one to back down from hard questions.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I have no relevant experience to define love, so how can I tell if this was the real deal?” There is a somber look on Kara’s blue eyes and it is painful to see, but it also reminds Alex that Kara is still her little sister and she is still in the path of becoming the person she is supposed to be – like everyone else –, and Alex finds beauty on it. 

“You just know it.” Alex’s voice gets Kara’s attention, because it sounds low and raw and there are too many feelings on it. And Alex is now looking at her hands holding Kara’s and she’s thinking about Maggie – about everything they share and everything she feels and there is no way she could put any of it into words, so she simply repeats with a reassuring nod. “You just know it.”

And Kara observes every change in Alex’s semblance. How soft her brown eyes look, the hint of an adorable smile on her cheeks – how everything about Alex suddenly feels light and safe and contented. Kara can only assume that is Maggie’s surprising effect on her sister and she is grateful for that. And it also makes her wonder if anyone ever had that effect over her. 

“You are right. I’m asking too many questions.” Kara let a long sigh escape her lips. “I guess it doesn’t really matter what exactly I felt for Mon-El. Maybe what destroyed us was just the fact that whatever it was, it didn’t develop. It just died out.” 

Alex remains silent, because Kara still has more to say and listening to her talking about herself is actually one of Alex’s favorite things. 

“I hear people say that those initial feelings of passion, the butterflies and the flutters, they eventually die. But I think it would be nice if they actually just become part of something bigger, as you build intimacy and trust. And I guess my relationships never progresses in that sense. Mon-El and I? There was no solid base, no relevant feeling to take the commitment. And I think what hurts the most isn’t really the break up, but the fact that I yearn to commit to someone. I want to have with somebody what you have with Maggie.”

And Kara has this sad and resigned smile on her face, that makes Alex’s face contorts in compassion. She opens her arms to welcome Kara in a tight hug. 

“I’m pretty sure there’s someone out there for you. The world is full of incredibly lucky people.” A soft giggle escaping Kara’s lips finally lifting some weight from Alex’s heart. Kara’s spirit surely will heal.

“Well, I’m incredibly lucky to have you by my side.” A genuine smile appears on her face, as Kara rests her head on her sister’s shoulders. “I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.”

But as soon as those words leave her lips, a freezing feeling spreads in her chest and wraps around her throat. Kara tenses the moment a thought crosses her mind. And by now, she is pretty much used to her mind drifting to Lena, so she doesn’t try to stop it anymore. Except, sometimes, it hurts her, like right now, because she can’t help but wonder if Lena used to share moments like that with Lex – moments like the ones she shared with Alex. So Kara closes her eyes, because, yes, Lena certainly did. Lex – much like Alex – welcomed a complete stranger in their family and made them feel at home. And she can’t really fight the pain of that realization.

“Kara?” Alex asks concerned. “What is wrong?” And Kara meets a pair of inquisitive brown eyes, curiously piercing hers. Kara sighs because she could try to avoid the question, but it would only make Alex even more worried and that wouldn’t be fair.

“It’s Lena.” Kara confesses quietly looking for the words, since Alex remains silent. _Damn, interrogation techniques._ “I’m worried. I’ve been trying to contact her, but she just left.”

“She just lost her brother. Give her time to grief.” Alex snuggles closer to Kara while brushing her sister’s blonde hair with her fingers. Honestly, it was easy to say things like that, but no amount of time was enough to grief a lost sibling. 

“I can’t shake this feeling that I’m the one to blame for Lena’s misery.” And a long and lamentable sigh cuts the air. “How unfortunate it is to hurt someone you really care for unintentionally.”

“Lex was responsible for his own death.” Alex’s words don’t sound accusatory, but rather soft and low, almost sympathetic. “And I know you won’t believe you are not to blame so easily, so I’ll repeat that as much as you need.” The worst and most dangerous thing about guilt is that whoever it afflicts, they honestly believe they deserve to carry all that heaviness on their chest. And Alex wouldn’t let her sister carry that burden alone.

“Alex.” There is hesitance, but Kara seems to have made up her mind about something, so Alex keeps listening attentively. “I’m going to tell Lena about my secret.” 

“Are you sure about that?” Again, there is no opposition in Alex’s voice, just the quiet tone to make sure Kara isn’t rushing her decisions.

“Yeah.” Alex meets those earnest blue eyes and she doesn’t need any more than that to accept Kara’s decision. “After all the things that happened, it is the least I can do. I owe Lena the truth.” And Kara suddenly looks sad and the air feels heavy around her, but her fists are tightly closed and Alex has no doubt her sister is doing everything to keep strong. “Even if she hates me. Even if she never forgives me. Lena already lives a life surrounded by lies and deceit, and I don’t want to be another lie to her.” 

Kara observes as Alex shifts her position, straightening up her back and slowly tilting her head. She has an enigmatic look on her face and Kara unsuccessfully tries to track her sister’s thoughts.

“I know you don’t really trust Lena.” Kara looks down, her fingers fidgeting. “But rest assured. She would never use my secret against me. Unlike I did.”

“I confess. I didn’t at first. You know all that talk about being raised in an ambient like she was and the consequences on character.” Alex says and a resigned smile appears on her face. “But you proved me wrong.”

“You have so much faith on her.” Alex continues looking for the right words in her mind. “It makes me want to believe in her too. And if I can’t do it completely, it is also because of you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You are vulnerable around her. You don’t even realize how much so.” Alex’s has an enigmatic expression and Kara frowns as she is unable to understand her sister’s point. “It makes me wonder who is blind regarding Lena – if it is you or me who fails to see the truth behind her.”

“I don’t think I’m blind when it comes to Lena.” Kara’s answer is immediate and it draws one mysterious smile from Alex.

“That is why I think if you want to tell her about Supergirl, you should do it without hesitance.” Alex’s voice is soft and she takes her sister’s hand firmly. “You know her better than me or anyone.”

“Thanks, Alex.”  
  
**・**

Never in her life has Lena felt comfortable enough inside a plane. She isn’t quite sure if she should consider that as fear – at least, Lena can’t recognize the anticipation, the feverish feeling or the awareness that distinguish what she calls ‘fear’. It is more an uneasy feeling, something that comes probably from the lack of control. She can never feel in complete charge of a situation when her feet aren’t in touch with solid ground. 

And the only thing that could make flying any worse is to have the unpleasant company of a person you despise. Lena looks through the window, not bothering to move her eyes anywhere else. She knows Lillian has those viper eyes locked on her, analyzing every move – the habits of a predator. 

“Aren’t you going to tell me about your plan?” Lillian’s voice cuts the air, but Lena seems unmoved, her green eyes still fixed in on point of the sky. For a while the only sound inside the jet is the muffled noise of the engine. “I wonder how many moves ahead you are in the game.”

But Lena scoffs, her face finally moving to confront Lillian directly. And Lillian refuses to admit, but those green eyes look cold and disdainful and they make every fiber of her being tense. 

“You talk about a game, but do you even know who the enemy is?”

“I can only suppose, dear.” The last word sends a nauseous wave that contorts Lena’s face with disgust. Even her mother’s choice of words is repulsive to her. “I can’t think of anything else since you scheduled a meeting with that man. Although I must say you would probably be better off alone. I tried to approach them before and it was a waste of my time.”

“I have to admit you were great at business.” Lena says, her eyes studying Lillian’s face carefully. “But you failed miserably at politics. And so did Lex.” It is a wince at most, but Lena observes that subtle reaction on Lillian’s semblance when she mentions that name and a faint smile escapes her lips. Yes, she is hurting too, but there is this satisfaction on inflicting pain on that old woman and Lena knows it is just pitiful and cruel and not really herself, but she couldn’t care less right now. 

“So you think you can outsmart everyone?” Lillian’s icy eyes light not in annoyance, but in surprise. She had always deemed Lena as arrogant, but this was something else. And Lillian isn’t really sure if she should feel delighted or concerned.

“Don’t you trust me?” It is such a simple question, really, and Lena has this defiant smirk, so Lillian knows the obvious answer and there is this unwanted thought telling her she might have encountered a player who far surpasses her. But Lillian quickly dismisses it.

“Most of Lex’s secret facilities were found and de-activated. But I’m sure Lex had one place he would keep private.” Lena says, her head turning to face the window again. “Lex most important findings and creations are still hidden.”

For a while, they are both silent, Lena still watching the clouds uninterested. But Lillian is an expert player on her own and she knows the game well. Whatever plan Lena has on her mind, she needs Lex’s accumulated knowledge on aliens and kryptonians. And she knows Lillian is the only one who may have the information of where it is all stored and, most important, that Lillian needs her to access it. Lex would keep that information only to those with whom he shared the same blood. So Lena is basically prying the location of Lex’s chamber. And Lillian would never give that information so easily.

Except, Lillian – as much as she fought to admit it – gradually and inevitably grew old and tired and the years are now heavy on her shoulders. Yes, she still burns with the desire to avenge Lex, now, more than ever. But it is not for her to do it. She has finally realized that Lena should do it. So she will help her.

“Where else would he hide it?” It never fails to surprise Lena whenever those freezing eyes show a hint of emotion. “Where else, besides our home?”

And Lena simply closes her eyes. In other times, the thought of going back to that place one more time would stab and twist her insides, but all she can feel is a remote feeling of distress. She can only hope this emptiness she feels follows her to the mansion. 

When Lena opens her eyes again she notices the end of a sunset, as National City’s skyline is covered in darkness. And when her jet finally lands and Lena touches the ground, the whole world is dim. Lillian follows soon after, but her mind freezes when she hears the sirens. Her blue eyes shifting to the cops to Lena’s smirk and they widen as realization strikes her.

“What is this, Lena?” It is pitiful, Lena thinks, how those words sounded like an agonizing cry of a cornered beast. 

“The last time you were imprisoned they lacked proof to keep you behind the bars. So you ran away.” Lena says with a satisfied smirk, as Lillian feels the cold handcuffs locking around her wrists. The older woman watches Lena handing some files she had been carrying to one cop. “But how unfortunate for you that I have kept a copy of some incriminating files.”

“Do you think you can play with me, Lena?” Lillian asks between her teeth with poison in her eyes.

“No, this time you don’t get to play. You are just a sacrificing pawn.” And Lena turns to face Lillian one more time, before entering a black car. “You can trust no one, right?”  
  
**・**

Kara can almost swear time passes slower inside an elevator. In front of her, National City reveals itself through the glass, all those buildings and streets left bellow, as she rises to the top of the highest building in the city. She could reach the top in a second with her powers. But she needed to meet Lena as Kara Danvers.

The news had spread fast. At CatCo, the breaking news was Lena’s unpredictable return, handing Lillian Luthor over to the FBI along with documents that could render her a life sentence in maximum-security prison. In the DEO, J’onn said Lena’s case was out of their jurisdiction now and Alex urged Kara to wait. But she was done thinking. Kara had important things to tell Lena.

When the elevator’s door opens, Kara observes Jess stand up in a jump, followed by a frown appearing on the secretary’s face.

“Ms. Luthor has an important meeting right now and no interruptions are allowed.” Jess says in her usual stern tone, although this time she sounds nervous and strained. “You will have to come back another time.”

“I can wait.” Kara suggests, giving the secretary an awkward smile. There is no way she is going back without talking to Lena.

“Ms. Luthor would rather keep her guest’s identity private. So you have to leave now.” 

Jess exchanges one significant look with a man in a black suit standing in one corner of the room. He is big and strong, and Kara thinks this will be fun as he approaches her. 

“I must see Lena today.” She feels his hand reach firmly for her arm, but she frees herself effortlessly, a satisfied smirk shaping Kara lips. And when his both hands were about to grab her by the arms again, one familiar voice – one that is low and cutting and bears so much power – whispers behind her.

“Enough.” 

Lena is standing at the door, her green eyes darker than usual. But it is not her somber expression or the fact that everything about her hints apathy and detachment that makes Kara uneasy the most. It is the grizzled man who suddenly appears by her side. A brief handshake and he turns to walk towards Kara’s direction.

It all seems to happen in slow motion. And Kara doesn’t even dare to look that man in the eyes. He approaches Kara with long steps, and when he is right beside her, Kara thinks the air is suddenly sucked out of that room and everything is colder. Senate Burke appeared to be taller and younger on television, but Kara doesn’t even attempt to get a better image of his face, for she feels disgusted and she despises everything that man stands up for. She never imagined she would one day meet him in Lena’s office. 

And Kara expected the atmosphere to lighten when the elevators door closed behind her with the politician and his men inside, but the heaviness continued within the silence. For Kara it felt like an eternity, but probably it lasted only a few seconds. Eventually, Jess broke the silence.

“Ms. Luthor, I’m sorry. I asked her to leave.” 

“It is fine.” Lena turns her back to them and she lingers there for brief seconds, part of her heavy semblance still visible, before she heads inside. “Let her in.”

Kara takes a deep breath, because she has a bad feeling about this. Lena feels so distant – so detached of Kara and everything. Their eyes have yet to meet and Kara, for the first time, is afraid of what she will find in those green eyes. Kara takes slow steps, her legs, she notices, are shaking. And she stops just a few feet away from the door, swallowing hard when Jess closes the door behind her. Things change so unexpectedly; she never once considered Lena’s office to feel like a lion’s den. 

Lena has sit behind her desk, one arm over the armrest, holding her head with her hand. She has that demeanor Kara has always admired, flawless with her black outfit and a high ponytail. But her green eyes never leave the desk.

“Have a seat.” It sounds more like an order than an invite, but Kara follows through and she looks at Lena with concerned eyes.

“Lena.” Everything feels wrong and out of place, and a terrible thought has just occurred to Kara, but she chooses to suppress it for now. “I was so worried about you. How are you feeling?”

A quick and silent move and those olive eyes crash against Kara. They used to be kind.

“I would appreciate if we could just skip this topic.” Lena’s voice is hollow and Kara winces because it is obvious now: the distance between them keeps increasing and Kara feels it reaching for her, a tangle of wires wrapping around her heart, freezing, constricting. 

“Lena, I’m here as your friend. I didn’t come here to interrogate you.” Kara is desperate, so she attempts to smile, but Kara is pretty sure she just looks pitiful.

“Really?” A faked surprise. And much like Kara, Lena’s smirk looks more hurtful than intended. “Well, last time you were here, you came to acquire some information.”

“Lena, please, listen to what I have to say.” Kara rushes, as she falls into despair.

“You don’t need to explain. I know everything.”

Lena doesn’t need to say anything else. From the disgust and contained hatred on her semblance, on her voice and eyes, there isn’t room for doubts. And Kara feels the impact, something crashing against her chest – shattering things inside her she can’t really nominate. She waits for the sound, for an explosion or a thunderclap, anything loud and overwhelming, but it never comes. The silence is unbearable. 

“There is nothing left for us to talk about, so you can leave.” Lena’s voice is but a whisper. There is this filthy thing inside her who wants to scream and harm, but she holds on to this single piece of integrity left.

“No.” It has become difficult to speak and Kara feels like drowning, but leaving now meant losing her best opportunity to reach to Lena. “I know you blame me for Lex’s death. I know you won’t forgive me so easily. But, please, don’t retaliate against the alien population.” 

There is silence in the room as Lena watches Kara’s with an amused expression; she almost had not followed the other’s argument.

“Senate Burke and his anti-alien speech only promulgate hatred and fear. He stands up for xenophobia and his agenda is a regression for every right people conquered. So why are you associating with him? You are better than that!” And despite Kara’s urgent but trembling voice, Lena simply closes her eyes, a sigh escaping her lips. 

“Once, in this exact same room, you told me you would always stand up for me.” Lena suddenly looks tired and defeated, and a sad smile parts her lips. “What happened to ‘keep digging for evidence'?”

Kara believes there were traces of complete disappointment on Lena’s semblance – an image that sent another clash against Kara’s chest. And Lena stands up and turns to the window maybe to hide her face, but the damage, Kara thinks, has already been done.

“I trust you. I really do.” Kara stands up too, but her voice sounds weak despite her best efforts to make it reassuring. “But I’m afraid, because you have been wounded and betrayed and you are still hurting. I’m afraid, because I think you are not yourself right now and you might do something wrong.”

“Do you think I would commit the same mistakes as my brother? Do you really think I would ever want to follow in my mother’s footsteps?” Lena turns to Kara and she looks repulsed; her voice choking the words with anger and pain. “You used to believe I was different from them!”

It is exhausting, Lena thinks, all those contained demons wailing and ripping inside her. She tried to remain sane, she tried to remain kind. And maybe this is about how she survived, but her remains can’t really be considered human. This is about how she never stopped running but the demons reached out and she became the beast instead. Lena lets a weak laugh out – or maybe that was a cry, Kara isn’t sure –, as she realizes she is done running from the Luthor’s name. She accepts the burden and the loneliness that come with it. She will embrace them. And she will carry that name through a path that all her family failed to do so. 

“Say, Kara. Don’t you have your reasons to wear your suit? Isn’t Supergirl your own way to fix what you think is wrong?” Kara doesn’t answer, her voice lost after witnessing Lena’s sudden outburst. “I noticed a lot of wrong things too. I see a world that walks directly into destruction with its rising tension between human’s fear and alien’s growing population. And I can fix that.”

“So you approach people like Senate Burke. What do you intend to do? Give humans a false sense of security by giving aliens something to fear?” Kara frowns. “You know very well that is not a solution.”

“Senate Burke is a nightmare that went too far. But put him down and another one will rise, because there are people who believe in them. So how are you planning to fix this? What are you going to do with everyone who fears you – with everyone who lost someone dear because of you?” Kara shakes her head, her eyes not bearing to look Lena directly. “We always looked forward to a world less menacing. We discuss gun control and nuclear arms regulation, but you are out there, picking bullets with your hands and changing the course of missiles. Isn’t it natural that some people will fear you? Is it so wrong to imagine a future in which you claim to be a god?”

“So what’s your plan? To build weapons so the government has power to negotiate with us? That is coercion. ”

“That was Lex’s way. I can do better.” Kara can tell from the tensed jaws and frown marks, that it is taking Lena’s every last bit of resolve to remain strong. So she respects that and quietly listens, but that is incredibly hurtful. “Unlike you, Kara, I won’t be a hero. I won’t be a symbol of justice. But I can use my name and play the long game. I can put every piece in the right place and make sure no king falls.”

“That sounds incredibly lonely.” The words are a soft murmur and Kara’s blue eyes face the ground with nothing but sadness. They hit Lena in a sharp pain, but for once she aches and it is not numb. “You don’t need to walk in this path. Lex’s legacy doesn’t belong to you.”

“Lex was my responsibility. And you don’t get to talk about him.” Lena feels a new wave of wrath igniting – the one she so desperately tried to suppress during the whole conversation. “Lex wasn’t a saint, but he didn’t deserve to lose his life.”

“I never gave up on him. Not even once. I always had this small hope that, someday, Lex would turn to the right path again.” Lena felt the tears weighting, waiting for the fateful moment to fall. “I’m no hero, Kara, but I know how it feels to wish you could save someone.”

And Kara has no words, as she watches the tears run down Lena’s face. So she closes her eyes and she feels like a coward, but she can’t really face the fact that someone so dear to her is in so much pain and there was no comfort for that. For once, Kara desired she could be blind and invulnerable to the wounds of the soul.

“My brother was still there, lost in that madness. I could have saved him. I could have helped him. I would build my life on that maybe. Was that too much to dream of?” A short pause, in which Lena looks for the answer in those blue eyes. “You took away my brother. You took away my only hope. “

“Lena.” Kara takes a breath and her whole being is trembling. “I know I made a mistake. But I won’t give up on you. I won’t give up on us. You can hate me, but…”

“Hate you?” Lena interrupts, one howling laugh making its way from her throat to the silent room. “If I could just hate you, it would be so much easier.” 

Kara watches wary, as Lena’s semblance suddenly softens and her green eyes are kind once again – the sorrow still in their depths. And her next words are powerful, despite the quiet and resigned tone she uses to pronounce them.

“I loved you.”

Kara thinks, at first, that the silence of the universe might have descended between them. But she hears them – furious roars in that confined space – and stars don’t make sounds. She can only lament that two hearts beating out of synchrony should be a sound so desolate.

“But it doesn’t matter anymore.” Lena is absolutely defeated, but Kara can tell she is the one who is about to lose something precious. “You can rest assured your secret is safe with me. You are not my enemy. But I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, Kara. So please, leave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this fic made me even more aware of how great Lena is as a character. There’s so much potential when writing her – she opens so many possibilities and that is so powerful in storytelling. So I sort of understand why the authors keep her as an ambiguous character.
> 
> I’m sure many of you would like to see more of Alex and Maggie in this fic. I decided to focus all my efforts on Kara and Lena, mostly because they aren’t canon but they have so much potential. Also because I don’t watch Supergirl (I’m pretty busy), I would have to do research on another 2 characters and on their relationship and unfortunately I don’t have that time.
> 
> I’m not really familiar with trigger warnings and I think this fic is kind of safe. I mean, it is mostly angst, but I did focus on writing Lena’s mind instability and Lillian could be considered abusive? So, I don’t know, but if you guys had any issues or if you think I should add a warning for it, please tell me.


	7. Under a trillion stars・We'd remember tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it, the final chapter. It’s unbelievable I finished one linear multiple chapter fic for once. It was only possible with the support of everyone who made this far – and suffered this far – in the story and every kind comment you guys left. As the first published fic, it was a very fun experience and you guys were the best! Expect a few more SuperCorp fics from me. Hope you enjoy this!

#### Under a trillion stars - We'd remember tonight.

**.**

It is late afternoon and weak rays of sunlight illuminates the fields of Kansas. Lena observes attentively the scene through the window – the desolate road ahead, the wheat fields blown by a light breeze, the heavy clouds behind, casting moving shadows over the grassland. Throughout the whole trip, her only companion is this nostalgic feeling of a past she can’t really leave behind. 

Green eyes shift from the road to the backseat through the rear-view mirror. Almost ten years ago, she used to sit there, watching the fields on her way back home during school holidays. It is funny how in her memories those trips felt so endless and exhausting. She would watch those infinite fields, containing the anticipation of seeing Lex – Lena couldn’t wait to tell him about her year and about what she had learned. Back then, the days were long and she had someone to go back to, and Lena realizes, with heaviness in her chest, that she misses that feeling.

Some holidays, however, Lex would stay in Metropolis and Lena was left disheartened. She would refuse to go home. Lena wasn’t really fond of her boarding school either – she never made friends and holidays there were particularly dull –, but she was fourteen years old and already used to loneliness and she didn’t have to face her mother, so it was a blessing. And honestly, Lena liked her school more on holidays; for once the halls weren’t crowded, she had the library for herself and there was no one to remind her that, even among filthy rich peers, she failed to find a sense of belonging.

But before her mind wanders any further, Lena retrieves it to reality. She has to spare it as much as possible, because Lena is conscious about the memories that will come to haunt her in that night. And she should have stayed in a hotel – should have waited until morning to continue her trip –, but this is one of those things she has to do as soon as possible. So Lena doesn’t back down when the scene changes, becoming bleak and familiar, and the air gets colder. Through the green fields and one desert road, Lena accelerates the car towards the shadows of distant trees. 

It is dusk by the time Lena arrives and the sky is a wild mix of violet and fire. She steps out of the car and takes her time gazing at the black entrance gate. It has always stood there, a cold metal fence separating the Luthors from the world. Lena remembers being fascinated with that gate when she was a kid – it always felt colder inside those walls. She used to read about Greek mythology and she once told Lex that gate could be the entrance for the underworld. Lex loved that analogy and they both pointed out they should have a giant black dog, but their parents never approved it. 

But Lena cuts those thoughts. She reaches for a black coat and a flashlight inside her car, before approaching the gate. Her gloves prevent her from feeling the cold metal and the bars open with a loud screeching noise. The pathway to the mansion used to have its glory, but now is desolate, covered by the vegetation and a humid air. Her footsteps are the only noise heard, and the ruins of the mansion slowly rise ahead of her. 

Lena stops when she reaches the front door. The building is still as large as the one from her memories, but time aged those rocks and they look darker. And Lena holds her breath when she glances at the left wing’s structure, destroyed by the flames so many years ago. When Lex set their father’s room on fire, Lena was finally convinced her brother was a dangerous man. But she was still young and naïve and she didn’t know what to do. She was afraid to face the truth that Lex was losing a battle against insanity, and Lena – instead of helping him, instead of insisting on him –, she ran away, sheltered herself behind books and college. So Lena lets out a bitter smile, because the house is still repulsive to her, and it is too late to come back home.

Past the front door, Lena walks cautiously illuminating the entrance hall with the flashlight. She stops in the middle of the room, observing the dust that covers the old furniture and the staircase. Lex could have made the entrance for his chamber anywhere, but Lena knows his favorite places and she would start from them. And the ruins are so silent, she listens to her heart pounding against her chest, but Lena isn’t afraid of being alone. No person would ever dare to approach those walls without one Luthor’s consent, and, certainly, no ghost would ever haunt such a miserable place. Lena is afraid of her own memories. 

Because the moment she steps inside the old library, Lena almost swears she can see a young Lex devouring a book beside the window. It was raining when she first found him there, and Lex closed his book – said something about a dream and how bittersweet our addictions are – before guiding her through the bookcases and handing her a journey to Middle-Earth. Within those walls, they discussed everything; her favorite memory being the one time the sun was rising and they were still talking about magic realism and a family fated to cycles of tragedy and solitude. And Lena finally closes her eyes, because the vision of this library with all these empty bookcases is too painful and it is not the image she wants in her memories. Lex would feel the same. He would never go back to an empty library, so she leaves the room.

There is one more thing Lena wants to see before going upstairs. And she walks slowly through a hallway, until she reaches the music room. The sun is now just a fine line of light in the horizon, and almost no light enters the room. But Lena used to love that place and she could walk around even without the flashlight. She makes her way to one of the corners, where one big object is covered by a white fabric. Lena pulls the sheet, trying not to stir up the dust. The grand piano looks the same, the keys a bit dirty and not as white as she remembers them. It was her favorite thing in the mansion when she was a kid. She remembers being enchanted by it – by how such a massive and sturdy object could sound so tender and so sad. 

Although Lex and she would disagree about many things, as any other pair of siblings, they shared some common interests – their favorite composer, for example. Chopin would always resonate within the music room. Lena’s favorite piece would always be _Nocturne Op. 72, No.1 in E Minor_ – sorrow, she found out, could never sound as sweet. 

In her teen years, however, as much as it hurt her, Lena never touched that piano again. The room is dark and silent, but Lena can still hear her mother’s words resonating from the shadows, and they accuse her of poor technique, bad posture, and ordinary performance. At first, she would practice until her wrists were sore. Later, she simply gave up. For once, Lena would yearn to go back to boarding school, so she could sneak inside the music room and – when afternoons were bronze and lazy, and everyone had retreated to their dormitories –, she could play the piano alone. But it wasn’t like the piano in the mansion – never that tender. And her green eyes contemplates the instrument, her fingers caress the dusty keys fondly. Time rusted the wires and Lena, with closed eyes and a devoted smile, hears that old friend gently cry one last time.

But darkness is expanding inside and Lena decides to hurry. Leaving the music room, she quickly reaches the main staircase – each step followed by a squeak and Lena realizes her breaths are short and erratic. She successfully kept herself calm up until now, but her defenses are crumbling, as Lena approaches the upper rooms. She is scared; that place is beginning to feel grim and horrid. 

Upstairs, she illuminates the hallway leading to the left wing, and it casts shadows behind the burnt ruins. Lena doesn’t dare to go left, the dim light barely illuminating the entrance of her father’s office. In that room, when she was still four, her father would sometimes play with her. Once, he seated her on his shoulders and ran around the office with her. Between her laughs and his silly noises, Lex appeared by the door and Lena noticed something in his semblance – frantic and deep – that sent her off balance. But she was a kid and ignored it, and now that Lena analysis the remains of that memory through the eyes of an adult, one distressing idea comes to her mind. Maybe Lex’s demons were inside him all along, just waiting for the right time to strike. And all her memories are beginning to feel too real, and Lena can tell, by the feeling that is creeping up on her, that it won’t be long until her mind screams to get out of that haunted house. 

The right corridor leads to Lex’s and her room. Lena can’t stand to stay in that building for much longer, so she takes a long and trembling breath, before rushing through the hallway. She doesn’t know exactly what she must look for, but Lena trusts the fact that she will know it when she sees it. She hasn’t been in that mansion for years, but Lena knows when something is out of place. So she walks and reaches Lex’s room. Her heart is accelerating inside and she notices her hands are trembling when she reaches for the knob.

She remembers one particular day when she was back from college on Christmas break. Lena had rushed back to see Lex, check how he was doing after what the doctors had called one “mental breakdown”. She had knocked on that door, knowing her brother was inside, and since he kept silent, Lena slowly opened the door. That image of Lex sitting in the bed, the dreadful smirk and those maniac eyes, would never leave her mind. And it’s irrational and she is probably losing her mind too, but Lena is afraid she might encounter an insane man waiting for her. 

She opens the door reluctantly, a screeching noise resonating through the house, and Lena quickly illuminates the room; her heart punching her chest so hard, she fears it might just stop and die. But the room is empty. There is nothing left of her brother, besides his furniture. No personal belongings, no books or clothes. When Lex left for Metropolis, that room was still crowded with his favorite things. But as his obsession took over, he lost interest in everything else - chess, astronomy, literature, they were long forgotten. That abandoned room reminds Lena of her brother’s depersonalization through the years, and Lena doesn’t think twice before closing the door and resting her back against it, trying hard to catch her breath.

As she stays there, Lena’s eyes faces the room ahead. Her room. It is funny how she has all those memories, but she can’t really remember one specifically of her bedroom. When Lex set fire in the mansion, she left in a hurry and never came back. So Lena wonders what she will find inside. A feeling of dread however, has completely settled now, and Lena is terrified. That is all so irrational – Lena thinks, forcing her mind to keep working, since she knows it is about to collapse –, because she isn’t sure of what she is afraid of, but she is shivering and feeling threatened and all those shadows are creeping in. And Lena wants to drop to her knees and beg for someone to take her away from that place, but no one would hear her, and if she does that – if she gives in to despair and let her walls crumble –, Lena fears she won’t ever rise again. 

In an act of bravery, after mustering all her resolution and resilience, Lena advances and opens the door to her room. Everything happens so fast, Lena wonders what she was expecting to find. All that old and dusty furniture, some college books forgotten in her desk and the camera she used to carry around during those days. There was nothing much left, as she had packed most of her belongings to university. Although she almost missed it at first, as the light quickly illuminated one corner of the room, she saw it. Lex’s old telescope. It used to stay in Lex’s room, but Lena sometimes would borrow it. Maybe she just wanted to look at Kansas’s starry sky before going back to college, but the telescope isn’t even near the window where she would always place it. It is oddly facing one wall. 

And the memory hits Lena like the crashes of waves. The stories of secret pathways inside the mansion that would lead to an underground vault – something built to protect the family. Lena once asked Lex about their locations, but he laughed and said she would have to keep looking carefully, just like she did when looking for stars. So Lena doesn’t need any more hints, rushing to that wall, her hands touching the wood, feeling it, until she presses the right spot and the wall opens like a door. 

Her mind is screaming, urging her to stop and leave, but Lena follows the narrow pathway downstairs. She is certain her heartbeats can be heard out loud when she reaches the end of the staircase. One metal door separates her from the vault and Lena, at first, can’t see anything behind the door, with all those blinding lights. Her vision slowly adjusts and the white room reveals itself in front of her. It is huge and cold and there is a strong sterile smell in the air. Lena can only assume it is one laboratory, and, as she passes by desks with notes and books, Lena glances over words like ‘genes’ and ‘embryos’. Her curiosity has taken over, and fear isn’t paralyzing anymore when she notices something that catches her attention.

In the other side of the room, six huge tubes filled with liquid seem to contain something inside. Lena approaches them carefully, not being able to discern their content from the distance. But eventually she gets closer enough, her eyes widening when they discern the clones – those ghosts of a person she deemed dead. It is horrid and she suddenly feels nauseous, but Lena realizes one tube misses its content and that is the signal her mind needs to scream ‘run’, but her legs falter when she turns around and faces that thing.

It all happens so fast, Lena can only feel a sharp pain in her head, as she collapses in the cold floor. Black spots slowly spread in her vision and the world is buzzing. Lena knows she is about to lose consciousness. Or maybe she is dying – which, to be honest, she doesn’t mind that much. And before she falls into complete oblivion, in the gap between the living and the unknown, Lena wishes she could see that person one last time – a name reverberating in her mind.

“Kara.”

**・**

There is something about flying at full speed that is exhilarating – maybe it is the roar of breaking the sound barrier, the feeling of leaving everything behind, or maybe just the fact that, for a while, Kara feels untouchable. And that can be reassuring but, at times, it is also lonely. This time, however, she feels nothing. No thrill, no comfort, no detachment. Everything is a crushing emptiness that scares her. So Kara attempts to go faster – to feel the wind cut her skin, make her bleed and feel something –, but the only red she sees is the blurred lights of the cars below, and she leaves the city unscathed.

When Kara finally lands, it is no surprise where she finds herself. It became a habit in the past years to fly without a destination in mind whenever she is struggling and the world is overwhelming. And no matter for how long she would stay in the clouds, eventually, Kara would always land at the same spot: her original landing site on Earth – a barren place amidst the plains of Kansas –, where she could just sit and watch the stars.

Once, Clark said she could go to the Fortress of Solitude whenever she needed solace or wanted to relive memories of Krypton. But Kara doesn’t need to go that far. Not when there is this vast sky above to remind her of everything she lost. Not when Krypton is still out there in the darkness – its reflection light-years away from extinction. Her father, Zor-El, once taught her the sky is but lights from the past. And in particular nights like that, the stars burn with old memories of her home.

To be fair, Kara doesn’t remember much of it now, and Earth is where her heart lies, but Krypton was the place she spent the first years of her life. It was her beginning; where she was raised and protected, but also betrayed and abandoned. On Krypton, she learned about love and hope and endings, and not in a lifetime she would be able to forget it. Despite everything, Kara would always miss her family. Through so many years, she kept all that anger and resentment inside, and they all seem so petty now, as she realizes convictions and mistakes are unfortunately too easily attached. Once, she was so quick to judge her parents’ decisions, but she doesn’t feel so much different from them now. And in other times, she might have felt disgusted for that. Surprisingly, it makes her feel human and the irony draws a weak smile from her.

But, maybe, thinking she felt more human was the wrong way to put it. Fallible was more like it. Because having all those powers – bending metal with sheer force, freezing things with her breath, being invulnerable and so, so close to immortality – was anything but human. Kara hugs her knee, her eyes projecting a wish on the sky. In a world where her powers allow her to do or be anything, all she really wishes, sometimes, is to be normal and human. Or at least, feel normal and human – having that sense of belonging where she could just feel at home, and be herself without having to hide behind a hero’s suit. At times, Kara even wishes she could be wounded and die like humans – not that she wants it right now –, but knowing everyone she knows will part long before her is one of those thoughts that keep her awake at night. And despite having the strength to lift tons of condensed stars, Kara can’t lift that wall that separates her from others.

Absently, Kara slowly lowers her face, her eyes resting on the dirty ground. It is quite ridiculous that contemplating her super abilities makes her feel powerless instead. She is capable of so many incredible things – so many people look up to her out there –, but Kara feels helpless. A sudden pain in her chest and Lena crosses her mind once again that night, and Kara laments that the feeling that follows is bitter, instead of sweet like how it used to be. 

Lena’s words – those specific three words – echoes in that silent field, and the hero closes her eyes. Had they belonged to anyone else, Kara would have doubted their meaning and denied their existence. But there is never room for misunderstandings with Lena. She has an honest heart – something that most people overlook, but not Kara. Lena had her share of experiences to value a painful truth over gentle lies, so Kara believes her every single word. And regarding their meaning, Kara has no doubts. It is just like Alex said: you just know it.

Instinctively, her heart takes a big leap and it is now drums inside her chest. Kara never asked herself what she felt for Lena – she simply was important and Kara never doubted it or contemplated further –, but now there is this strange fear of losing something she never quite considered hers and Kara realizes she is grieving it, which is just confusing. Had she found out about Lena’s feelings in other circumstances, Kara might have been perplexed, flustered and nervous. But Lena confessed with so much love – but also in so much pain – Kara can’t help but feel there is no hope for them. It is weird and she can’t really understand why, but she laments that in this lifetime, things should end like that. 

The world is silent beneath the cold lights of the universe and even the soft breeze that blows the fields is quiet. Back then, when she was still struggling to control her powers, the rare moments of silence were comforting. But after growing fond of people and their stories, Kara found solace in the voice of strangers – something about all those lives happening simultaneously was gentle and consoling. So Kara deliberately starts hearing them – one whimper, a confession, one cry, a promise, two spontaneous laughs – until they all become an indistinct clutter of voices. Kara almost feels better under the cold silence of the stars, but the universe is still too big and indifferent to care and it belittles anyone’s existence. 

Kara has no idea for how long she stays in the company of all those distant voices. But eventually she stands up, wistfully raises her eyes at the stars, looking for something in them, a proof, a sign or just a consolation, but she finds nothing and Kara silences those voices one by one. Until she hears the last one – a faint whisper, so distant in the dark, so close from her heart. At first Kara thinks maybe it is a call from the heavens, but her heart acknowledges it, her name, tender in someone’s prayer.

**・**

Everything is dark and cold, but Lena hears her own voice, however weak it sounded, and it is like her consciousness answered a call. This is how Lena feels after almost fainting, her hearing being the first thing that comes back and she hears a rhythm noise – loud and guttural, too close for her comfort –, but Lena is still in a daze and she is pretty sure that can’t be her heart pounding. Her vision recovers slower; the blind spots gradually disappearing while she struggles with the intense brightness that overwhelms her sight. When it finally adjusts to the light and her mind recovers from the crash, Lena’s eyes widen in shock, as she quickly turns to a figure not too far from her.

She feels every muscle becoming stiff, and a dreadful feeling makes its way to her throat, but pauses there in a spasm. Lena wants to scream, but her voice won’t come out. And it feels like her heart just stopped, despite the powerful rumbles inside her chest. Her green eyes never leave the image in front of her.

It has the appearance of a man, but Lena can tell this thing is hardly human. And despite her mind having already figured everything out, Lena is still in denial, trying to convince herself that she has also succumbed to the madness that runs in her blood. 

She stands up slowly, the pain in her right ankle too real – a reminder this is not a nightmare. But it is as frightening as one, those green eyes fixed on her, watching every move with a frantic interest. Lena knows from the way they look, it won’t attack her. At least, for now.

“What are you?” The fear makes her voice barely audible. But Lena doubts it can understand feelings, let alone words.

The hoarse breaths through a black mask covering his pale face are the only sound there. His eyes are still analyzing her intently and Lena takes a step back when his breaths become erratic and a grim expression distorts his face. Everything happens so fast, Lena has no time to fight. By the time she realizes, her feet aren’t touching the ground anymore, as he lifts her with one hand on her throat.

Lena panics. That is the only possible reaction when one gasps for air, but it doesn’t reach their lungs. She fights in vain, feeling the grip too strong around her neck. Lena can imagine the scene, the tears that fall involuntarily and her face red from the struggle. It is unbelievable, but Lena knows she is dying.

It is a loud noise that draws her attention upwards, just a few seconds from passing out. And Lena can still hear when the ceiling crumbles and a blur slams the assaulter far from them. A pair of arms holds her still in midair, laying her carefully on the floor. 

“Lena! Are you alright?” Kara watches in apprehension, as Lena coughs and gasps desperately for air. Instinctively, Lena reaches for Kara, and the hero answers by holding her in a protective manner. Kara, however, has her eyes locked in the enemy. She notices when he recovers from the blow, standing up to face her. And she finally has the chance to get a better look at him – something that makes her semblance contort in horror.

Lex Luthor is undeniably standing in front of her. But surely something is not quite right. It is not just for the fact that Kara had seen with her own eyes the moment Lex was consumed by the flames. No, this is wrong for a completely different reason. This man looks exactly like Lex, but everything in him reminds Kara of death. It is in his old semblance that reflects the passage of time, decaying and rotting flesh. It is in his pale grayish skin and bony face that reminds her of illness and plague. The only thing that is vaguely – barely – alive are his eyes, and they still look as insane as she remembers. 

Still a bit shocked, Kara stands up, but not before securing Lena behind her.

“Lex?” Kara asks. Behind her, she thinks she can hear Lena whimper upon hearing that name and, reflexively, Kara closes her hands in a tight fist.

The man, however, stays still, his face devoid of feelings. Maybe that is the most significant change on Lex – there’s no more hatred or furious passion; everything about him seems lifeless and grim. And this Lex, Kara notices, is a much more tormented soul.

It is unexpected when Lex moves suddenly in her direction, too fast for a human. Kara is surprised when a punch, that was supposed to be so easily deflected, turns out to be as strong as one of her own. But Lex is still slower than her and, apparently, not an experienced fighter, so Kara easily avoids his hits and counterattacks, sending him against a wall.

Lex, however, recovers quickly and he is even more hostile now. When he attacks Kara again, there is something bestial in the way he charges against her – something that is clearly irrational and not the least compatible with the older Lex. So Kara is taken aback. This seemingly apathetic Lex has in his blows a fury she has never seen before. And Kara winces in pain when she feels the skin in her abdomen being cut by a blade, her reaction being to pull herself away from her aggressor as fast as possible. She was careless not to notice the small kryptonite blade in his hands.

Thankfully the cut isn’t too deep, but Kara already feels the effect of the green stone on her body. And she would have kept calm – would have used her resilience to think clearly during the whole fight –, but a quick glance to check on Lena set her own beasts loose. Lena is right there, curled up against a wall, and her eyes fixed on Lex are like broken mirrors. And she is not really looking for answers or anything; Kara can tell Lena is not even thinking – not even trying to appear strong, or rather alive. Lena has completely given up hope and is utterly and simply disheartened. And Kara hears a roar inside her, thinking maybe her heart had enough of all that injustice, but she soon realizes it is just her own voice leaving her throat. 

“Say something!” Kara urges, before tackling herself against Lex, pushing him against one wall and destroying part of it in the process. She is angry and her face lights in an orange glow. “Was this your plan all along?!”

In a violent thrust, Kara sends Lex against one desk, wrecking it. And she doesn’t let him recover, her feelings are an exploding fury and Kara wants to scream, to hurt and destroy. Dropping to her knees, Kara hits Lex again and again – she doesn’t even keep count of how many times she does so. Kara wants to feel her own fists hurt and break, in her rage, forgotten the fact that she won’t bleed.

“Lena trusted you!” It is a hoarse wail that leaves her throat, between her frantic breaths. 

Kara observes the bloody mess, the heavy panting – guttural sounds of a creature so desperate for air – and the open cuts in his face, from where thick and dark red blood exudes. She gets herself thinking about mortality again – how easy it would be to claim the life of this man – although she doubts there is anything mortal or human about this Lex. He is just a pitiful creature, never a match for her. He has the strength and the speed of a kryptonian like her, but he is but one beast acting out of instinct. And Kara realizes in horror she had been the same for a moment. 

She doesn’t feel like fighting anymore. Not when it occurs to her this Lex is a ghost of the original one, or rather his victim and a puppet. The anger inside her is subsiding and she is exhausted. And Kara notices her vision weary – which is uncommon and it should recover fast –, but then she realizes it is blurred by tears that fall one after another.

“How could you?” It is a whisper, but in that silent room it might as well have the power of a thunder. “All this time, Lena grieved you.”

And for a moment, her blue eyes find something in his. It is fragile and hesitant – a flutter at most –, but still a reaction upon hearing that name. And for a creature that didn’t appear capable of any emotions, it could have been the closest he would ever get to sorrow.

Lex’s eyes break their steady contact with Kara’s to move slowly to his side, almost begging for the hero to follow them. And among the wreckages of that desk – all those papers and objects scattered around – Kara finally notices. It is an old picture, with sides worn by time. One girl, around fifteen, smiles genuinely at the camera. Never in life, has Kara seen that smile on Lena.

Kara’s eyes move back to Lex’s, staring intently into their depths. She finds nothing in them, which disappoints her a bit. But Kara is done and this senseless fight is over, so she stands up, turns her back to him. So she doesn’t see the quick movements that happen behind her. She is unable to see when he reaches for the green blade, lying still in his arm’s range. She doesn’t feel when Lex, mustering every last bit of strength left, charges against her, the blade ready to stab. 

Kara only hears the sound.

It is a loud bang that cuts the air and muffles Lex’s breaths forever. Kara turns around in time to see Lex’s eyes losing their focus, the blade escaping his hand, as he falls inert to the ground. A few feet away, Lena drops a gun, the one Lex gave her – and how unfortunate, Lena thinks, that the one and only time she would ever use it, it would be to shoot Lex or someone that looked like him. And Lena lets a sigh escape her lips, before resting her back against the wall and slowly letting herself slide to sit on the ground. 

Her green eyes meet Kara’s perplexed ones, and she is so, so tired, Lena manages a sad chuckle, before closing her eyes in a mournful frown. And Kara approaches her in a calculated pace – not so slow, but not so fast, to give Lena enough time to protest if she felt like that. But she doesn’t say anything and Kara notices, as she kneels in front of her, from the way Lena has her fists closed so tightly, she is trying her best to keep her hands from shaking uncontrollably. And Kara really wants to hold her hands, to embrace Lena in a tight hug, yet Kara wonders if there is any part of Lena’s body where she can place her hands on, anywhere it doesn’t hurt.

For brief seconds, Kara stays there, very close to Lena, their bodies almost touching. And Kara waits until Lena reaches for her, to embrace her fully and let the other woman rest her head on her shoulder. There are no words to ease the pain and the silence is heavy, but Kara wished Lena could hear her own heart, to know that, deep in her chest, despite every blow and wound, there is this unstoppable force that is still eager to beat.

They stay like that for a while – Kara not daring to make any move before Lena. And when Lena shifts her head a bit, she speaks with a quiet and longing voice.

“Kara. Please, take me away from here.” 

**・**

Kara knows, for a fact, Lena never really enjoyed flying. It was the small things that gave her away. Kara noticed it from the various occasions she had to fly with her – from the way Lena would become stiff and clench her red cape; her green eyes trying hard to avoid the ground, but stealing concerned glances from time to time; and from the way her heartbeats would always get erratic. But tonight, Lena doesn’t react like that and she may have passed out from exhaustion, so Kara tries to be especially gentle. 

When she lands slowly in that spot amidst Kansas – not so far away from the Luthor’s old mansion – Lena seems a bit confused at first. Kara takes her by the hand and Lena looks at her curiously, but the blonde has her back to Lena, as she walks ahead, guiding the brunette to the tip of a shallow crater on the ground.

Lena observes the field for a while. She can tell something landed there some years ago. But Kara is looking up absently, the light wind blowing her golden hair like it is floating in the air. Lena is captivated by that view – something simple and pretty like what she used to notice only in movies, but never in real life. And none of them has anything to say, so they enjoy each other’s company for a while, before Kara finally breaks the silence.

“This is where I landed years ago.” Lena feels when Kara’s hand softly squeezes hers. “This is where everything began for me on Earth. I like to come here when I need some guidance.”

There it is, that significant look Lena always notices on Kara’s blue orbs when she stares at the sky – that particular look that shows a hidden side of her, quiet, sad and forlorn. And Lena finally realizes she has been right all along. Kara indeed misses the stars. 

“What was it like? Krypton.” Lena asks, regrettably letting go of Kara’s hand to sit on the ground. She can still feel the burning ache on her ankle, but, for some reason, it doesn’t hurt as much. Lena doesn’t hurt as much. And it is a shy and fond smile she directs at her friend, because she knows Kara is talking about herself so Lena can have a break of all the things that happened, and she is immensely grateful for that. And Kara misses that smile but, after a while, sits right beside Lena.

“Beautiful. Not so much in the previous years of its destruction. I remember the skies being hazel and there were no more flowers on Krypton.” Kara keeps looking up and Lena tries to do the same, but something in the hero draws her eyes to her. “I don’t remember much of my life there. I remember my family and how our world was dying. I remember being prepared for its destruction and to travel through space alone. I remember being prepared for Earth.” 

Kara, for once, lowers her face to look at her hands. And Lena thinks there isn’t anywhere in the world she would rather be, but there: below the stars, in an infinite field of darkness, beside Kara.

“But I was never prepared for all these powers.” They both hear Kara’s words getting lost with the wind. “All those years suppressing them, worrying about hurting others or being found out... They were incredibly painful.”

“But after I became Supergirl, things felt right.” A small smile parts Kara’s lips. “All those doubts and repressed feelings, they were all gone and I lived everyday with this certainty of who I was as a person, and it was incredible.” Kara sighs looking ahead. “I didn’t feel like a fake, I wasn’t wasting my years. There was this perfect alignment between Kara Danvers and Supergirl, and I felt fulfilled.”

There is a moment of silence and Lena wonders what Kara is thinking right now. It is so incredible that despite knowing Kara for the past years and observing every smile and every frown – through everything they went together, all the happy and hard times, all of their light jokes and deep conversations –, there were still times Lena had not a single idea of Kara’s inner world and she thinks that is probably the most beautiful, but also the saddest thing about people: that you could spent a lifetime beside them and you would still not be able to explore all of their universe.

“But these past days made me realize things aren’t so simple like that. I am more than one person and I don’t know if this is alright or if I will ever become the one I’m supposed to be.” It is a long pause, Lena thinks, and she observes the way Kara frowns while keeping her eyes on some star, the way her jaw tenses and she clenches her teeth. Kara is trying really hard not to cry. 

“I never wanted to use you. I didn’t want to betray you. But still, I did it. There was this other side of me who felt that was the right thing to do even knowing I’d hurt you. And for that, I’m really sorry.” Kara turns to face Lena for the first time they arrived, and she looks disappointed with herself. “There were two sides of me I couldn’t conciliate and, from there on, things just became even more confusing. And to be honest, it still is.”

Kara breaks their eye contact to look ahead, and, this time, Lena does the same. The world is immersed in darkness to the point Lena isn’t sure if she has her eyes closed or not. And she remembers that feeling as a kid, the anticipation of having something to come out from the shadows, but she feels safe tonight, even though her eyes barely discern the figure of Kara. 

“The future, sometimes, it is so scary.” Kara confesses her voice weak and shaky. “I thought I had control over the person I am and the one I want to be, but it is all just an illusion. There are so many paths I can take, so many people I can become, and I have no idea how I will get there. I left so many versions of me behind, and I wonder how many more I will abandon over the years.” Kara hugs her knees and Lena admires how Kara is holding her voice from cracking.

“And you were right. I should be feared. I have an idea of all the things I’d never want to become, but how can I tell if I won’t just stray from the good path – if there is such a thing?” Kara stops and contemplates on her next words. The fear she has long kept inside, finally being released and acknowledged. “Sometimes, I feel immortal and detached from this world – disconnected from my own feelings and everyone. And I’m afraid, one day, this feeling might grow inside me and change who I am. I’m scared, one day, I might see this world as small and insignificant.”

Lena hears the sigh and she knows Kara is probably fidgeting with her hands, even without looking at her directly. And Lena contemplates on what Kara has just said. It is not like she completely understands her – she doesn’t have the powers that could make her an evil god in the future. But Lena has in her blood and in her mind all that it takes to become the worst Luthor ever known, and her fear is not so different from Kara’s.

“I also fear a future like that.” Lena says, a bit hesitant at first. “I’m afraid, one of these days, this resented and vile side of me will win and I’ll see a world full of demons.” Kara seems to relax a bit, upon hearing Lena’s voice, and so she continues. “But maybe we are so afraid of losing, that we forget the battle actually never ends. And maybe that is all there is to it: simply do not give up. Some people, well, they do.” 

Lena lowers her face to look at the ground; a new wave of emotions submerging her. It is almost suffocating, but Lena continues.

“I blamed you for Lex’s death. But the truth is my brother died a long time ago.” And Kara is surprised, because Lena says that and, of course, she is sad, but in her voice there is a different type of surrender – one that is mournful but tender.

“I refused to accept that – told myself that he could still be saved. But that madness was so dense, so fucking dense, it never let me in. I would do anything to bring him back, but you can’t save others from themselves.” And Lena turns to Kara, who has been watching her intently all along, and they share an understanding look. “You probably know that better than anyone.” 

“I’m so tired, Kara.” Lena confesses and lets out a deep breath. “You know what the worst part of this is? It’s not just that I’ve lost my brother to a sick man. It’s the fact that this grieving will never end.” Kara swallows hard and she can feel the tears coming to her eyes, because Lena’s voice is cracking and that never fails to hurt her. 

“The Lex I knew, the one who grew up with me, is gone – no matter how much I want to believe otherwise. Maybe he is still out there, lost deep down, but he can’t be separated from that other Lex. This other person he has become, I’m pretty sure he is actually alive, scheming, plotting against this world. But now, there are all these clones, these monsters walking around with his face, to remind me of a person I should just forget.” Lena had been doing her best to keep her voice as clear as possible, despite the tears that have been falling silently, but a long choking breath escapes her lips.

“How many more times will l have to grieve Lex? I want closure.”

Kara instinctively wraps Lena around her arms, caressing her back and her hair with slow motions of her hand. Had she been born a god, a real one, Kara would have given Lena this world and all those stars and erased every suffering from her life. And when Lena stops trembling so much, when Kara thinks Lena is ready to listen, she starts with a soft voice. 

“We all have those wounds that never really heal – people we can never walk away from. Lex is going to be that for you, just like I have my family and Krypton.” It is reflexive and it draws a sad smile from her, when Kara looks up upon talking about her old home. “We know time has passed and people have changed and, although we know there is no more space in our lives for them, a part of us – the part that once loved dearly and still exists somewhere – will always be willing to welcome them home. No matter what they did or how many years have passed. That’s the price we pay for loving someone, I guess.”

The arms around her gently tighten, and Lena slightly shifts herself to accommodate better. She realizes she doesn’t need that much to feel better – Kara and her words are always enough.

“Thank you, Kara, for everything. For being here tonight.” Lena lets her words get lost in that darkness and she thinks she may have heard Kara whisper one quiet ‘any time’.

And Kara curiously observes when Lena distances a little, to sit close, but now facing Kara. 

“I said so many hurtful things to you the last time. I made you feel like a threat and for that I’m sorry. I wish I could take those words back.” Lena’s eyes are earnest, and Kara recognizes that composure she so much admires in the brunette.

“No, you were right. I needed that wake-up call. I have to keep vigilant. I just wish it was easier.” Kara sighs, lowering her face. “How can I trust myself I won’t just feel completely disconnected and end up convincing myself I’m a rightful god one day?”

“I’ll talk some sense into your head if that ever happens.” Lena answers quickly, a faint smile parting her lips. “Just promise you will do the same to me, if I ever give signs of going psychopath Luthor.”

Kara chuckles for the first time in that night, and it is adorable, really, to watch her semblance light up, being only illuminated by the moonlight, while her hair is blown by a breeze. Lena wishes she could freeze that scene forever. 

“Are you going to follow through with your plans?” Kara asks after a while.

“Yeah, I’m going to use my influence. But trust me, Kara, I’m going to keep both aliens and humans safe.” There is honesty and resolution in her eyes, and Kara doesn’t need anything else to believe her.

“I do. I trust you.” Kara has a reassuring smile. “I’ve seen what you’re capable of, I should never have doubted you.”

Kara reaches for Lena’s hand, caressing it with her fingers.

“You know, embracing these responsibilities, having goals and committing to them, it gets pretty lonely.” Kara confesses, her mind quickly going through all the struggles she had faced so far. “Sometimes, even when I know there are other heroes around and other people striving just as much, sometimes it feels like I’m the only one who cares and the only one who is sacrificing something and that’s incredibly hurtful. I don’t want you to go through that alone. You can count on me.”

It is not unexpected coming from Kara, but it still surprises Lena, all that kindness she was never used to. Never in her life, had someone cared about her like that and Lena thinks it is lovely, but it also makes her a bit sad to know Kara isn’t meant for her.

“A Luthor and a Super working together seems reasonable.” Lena says and her eyes attentively observe Kara’s lips, as she smiles again. Lena recognizes that familiar feeling spreading in her chest – warm and intoxicating –, yearning for someone who is so close, but denied. And she realizes Kara still holds her hand, and Lena squeezes it softly, drawing a curious look from the blonde.

“I chose a bad time – and certainly the wrong tense – to say an important thing to you.”

Lena at first has her eyes fixed on Kara’s hands. But they shift to look at Kara’s blue eyes. They are really sad, Kara notices, but they are also gentle and sincere.

“I love you.”

The first time, Kara had cursed the silence, but this time, beneath the stars, she realizes nothing is more fitting. And she doesn’t mind if their hearts are still beating out of time – synchrony would be impossible from the way both were beating so desperate and errant. 

“I love you like I never thought it was possible for me.” Lena smiles softly, but complements. “Don’t worry, I don’t have expectations. To be honest, I never thought I would ever tell you that – thought I would just suppress it until the end and bury it with me.” A long sigh and her eyes drop to the ground. “But you are so important, I could not bear to keep it inside.” 

It is undeniable, Kara thinks, they always had this strong thing going on between them, drawing each other in, separating them in a universe apart, where they were comfortable and safe. Kara always longed for home; as much as she loved Earth, Krypton was always there, in the back of her mind, haunting her memories and the sky. But she found stars in those fierce green eyes that would shine and explode and draw her in like gravity. Lena’s eyes reminded Kara of exploding suns and black holes – she could never escape them. Lena, Kara realized, reminded her of home.

“I didn’t want to put you in this situation, so I’m sorry.” Lena rushes to say, because Kara’s eyes are fixed on her, and she isn’t quite sure what she is thinking.

But Lena forgets whatever other words she is about to say, when she feels a hand holding the side of her face. Kara is suddenly so close, her blue eyes pulling her in with the strength of rough seas. And Lena still watches when Kara stops briefly – painfully close – shifting her attention from Lena’s lips to her green eyes, looking for any sign of rejection or discomfort. And, upon receiving a silent consent, Kara’s lips meet hers in a soft touch. It is a simple kiss, but Lena let all those feelings sink in, while Kara’s heart crashes with the strength of waves against her ribcage.

They part briefly, before closing their distance again in a deeper but gentle kiss. And Lena’s mind still processes she would never want to taste any other lips in her life, before going numb. Her lips are burning, but a kiss never tasted so sweet.

When they part, both of them take their time to catch the breath. And Kara observes the moment Lena’s smile disappears leaving her with a disheartened semblance, and Kara is perceptive enough to understand where Lena's mind had wandered to.

“Don’t worry. We broke up.” Kara says, keeping the close distance between them, their foreheads still touching. It's delightful to see Lena's genuine smile - one that is full of promises and devotion. And Kara wants to answer accordingly, wants to offer Lena all that she deserves, which is definitely a lot.

“Lena." Kara searches for the words, anything to express the exploding feelings inside, but none seem ideal - and she wonders if she would ever find any. But Lena traces Kara's lips with her fingers, and it is so gentle and delicate it soothes Kara's worries in an instant.

“You don’t need to say anything. We've got time and maybe this is just our beginning." Lena voice is deep and Kara has this smile, which is timid but holy and makes Lena - a non-believer - bend and devote to it. 

Lena lets her head rest against Kara's neck and the hero still thinks it's a miracle, possibly, that it does not weigh, but rather lifts the world from her shoulders. And looking up, Lena remembers when nights in Kansas used to be summer skies and constellations hunts beside Lex. But she supposes it is about time to leave the past behind. And the future may be bleak and unknown, but Lena hopes she will remember Kansas and this night for infinite fields under a trillion stars, beside Kara.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this fic. For those who wanted more SuperCorp at the end, I’m sorry, but I have other projects and I’m saving some ideas for the future. A spin-off of this story will soon be published, announcing a new series. Also, I know I'm not good at fluff - that ending was so mushy I'm embarrassed. 
> 
> If I had more spare time, this fic would probably be longer. Maybe, for some of you, the end felt rushed, maybe Lena forgave Kara too fast, etc. But I had to end it right now, because I don't have that much time to develop a long story without losing interest or getting catch on my busy life. Also, if you are still angry or disappointed at some character, sorry, but I really like flawed characters and most of my stories will feature protagonists that are far from perfect.
> 
> I have to confess, I hate when dead characters come back from the dead, so I was a bit hesitant regarding Lex. But it was probably the fastest way to work on Lena’s thoughts regarding Lex – I needed something to remind her that well, he is a scheming sociopath – and it was also a fast way to redeem Kara. The idea of clones was weird to me at first, but I used a lot of references from Smallville and DC Comics to develop Lex’s story.
> 
> And finally, I want to say it was really fun to know about your reactions towards all that angst. I know I could have added a tag or something to warn it was angst with a happy ending – which probably would draw more readers. But when I read something, I really prefer to keep the ending a mystery and I didn’t want to spoil the fun for those who also think like that. I was happy to clarify it for anyone who asked nicely about the end though.


End file.
